Chapter 11:- Newfound Solace

A happy ending after all?

My eyes jerked open as I sat upright. I shivered as my quick breaths echoed in my ears. My  heart knew it was him, yet my mind feared the worst. It had taken a long time to accustom myself without him, and Sameer being the stubborn self, refused to budge. No matter how many times my mind coerced about Rohit being right, my heart knew Sameer would never betray. He was adamant, spoilt, short tempered and what not, but he wouldn’t hurt me--or anyone for that matter.

The most ostentatious feeling wasn’t befriending Rohit, nor being betrayed by him. But the feeling of loving Sameer despite his atrocities. No matter how much I reprimanded myself to hate him, I ended up loving him more. His innocent orbs that often reflected passion, melting me into a pool of love, the slight signs of stubble as he matured that I ached to feel, the silky smooth hair my fingers tickled to ruffle. His taut muscles that broadened his shoulders and reflected his veins. How much I had dreamt of traveling my hands across his arms, feeling every tingling sensation that would leave me aroused. Dreamt of him without a shirt, his bare torso creating a ruckus within me. At times I would jerk upright with sweat beads on my forehead, or feel my mouth dry at the hideous thoughts I wasn’t supposed to have. And yet the desire to imagine never diminished. He was utterly wrong, yet Sameer seemed so perfectly right. How could love leave someone so helpless yet wanting for more? How could an emotion evoked from the heart be so heartless? How could I fall for the same person over and over again, each time being deeper than ever before?

And right now, my heart knew he was downstairs, awaiting my presence despite my mind being at constant denial. Sameer’s tenacity left me appalled; he was still willing to try in spite of the constant taunts and insults. Was it his determination or his ego that drove him to extreme lengths; I wasn't sure. But he wasn’t going to relent, not by a long shot; I was certain.

The sound of ruffling alerted me as I broke out of my reverie I longed to forget. Dashing to the balcony, I peeped below to find Sameer Maheshwari with his best friend and savior; the wooden ladder. Flashes of memories flooded my mind, making my heart burn in misery. He looked up and flashed a sloppy smile before finding his balance. There was something uncanny in his gait but I couldn’t clearly tell.

“Naina Agarwal! How do you always manage to succumb me at your feet?” He scoffed with a hysterical laugh as I pursed my lips.

“What are you doing here, Sameer?” I spat blatantly.

“What I’ve been doing for the past...month? Asking for forgiveness.” Sarcasm dripped from his tone as anger swept across his face.

As he climbed another step I tried to stop him, “It’s pointless.”

“Yes it is. My existence is pointless. My apologies are pointless. My lo--” He left his sentence incomplete, searching my cold face for a sign of reaction.

“But what has left you so lifeless, Naina?” He swung and took another step as his hands clutched the ledge of the parapet. He leaned in and exhaled softly, his orbs darkening with each passing second.

That’s when my eyes widened in horror, “You’re drunk!”

The filthy smell filled my nostrils as I contorted unhappily while his silly smile widened to a grin, “Happy realization!”

His eyes looked drowsy and the stupid smile of his remained plastered on his face as he lifted his arms, ready to dance. He was on the verge of losing his balance when I caught hold of his shoulders, “Sameer!”

“Naina…” He breathed huskily as he leaned towards me again. I turned my face at the terrible smell of alcohol. After helping him in the balcony, I scampered into my room to make sure the door was locked. Seeing his senselessness, I had no doubt in his unreasonable actions and had to ensure the other family members remained oblivious to him and his tantrums. Thankfully Preeti was over at her friend’s place for a sleepover.

I rushed back outside to find him leaning dangerously against the parapet.

“Sameer!” I grabbed him and turned him around. “What on Earth are you doing?”

“Well, I thought how nice it would be for you to show me around.” He looked around and took steps towards my room. Flicking on the lights, Sameer took in his surroundings with utmost interest and inched towards my desk.

“So this is where you diligently studied...and wrote letters for me, right?” He threw whichever books came to hand until a brown one grabbed his attention.

“You write a diary?” His childlike curiosity reflected in his tone.

“Sameer, hand it back.” I ordered, extending my palm. He shook his head in denial and attempted to read the first few pages.

“Sameer, don’t you dare.” I threatened to which he guffawed.

“Oh Naina, I love dares. And bets. You should know that.”

“Give it back, Sameer! You shouldn’t read someone’s personal diary.” I retaliated, trying to reach out for the diary he had raised over his head.

“But hadn’t we promised we wouldn’t have any secrets between us?”

“That was when we were…” I left my sentence incomplete as realization dawned upon me. His face fell and expression turned grim as he completed painfully, “together.”

I looked away and my steps faltered, “You should leave, Sameer.”

He replied in anguish, “Why aren’t we together anymore, Naina?”

I took a moment to delve into the deep, dark orbs of his that made my heart soar with desire.

“Because you’re drunk. And you’ll regret this later.” I sighed and turned for the door when a familiar hand wrapped around my wrist, “There’s nothing that I’ve regretted more than losing you.”

Jerking me back he clasped my shoulders as he noticed a tear on my face. Dubiously wiping it with determined fingers, he cupped my face into his hands, the feeling so surreal to be true.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized, caressing my face with his thumb. I shook my head softly as I confessed, “It’s not you, Sameer. It’s us. We never worked out. And we never will.”

Dejectedly yet with newfound courage he assured, “We will, Naina. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises that are meant to be broken.” My voice broke as his grip on me loosened. His steps faltered as his arms dropped back to his sides.

“Our memories never leave us, do they?” My expression turned grim, reflecting his reaction.

“Are you mad at me, Naina?” He asked ostentatiously with pursed lips and raised eyebrows. One look and I felt myself melting under his charm. Composing myself I responded imperviously, “ Why would I be?”

“Because I broke your trust--” He began when I interrupted.

“You haven’t broken my trust, Sameer. If you would’ve, we wouldn’t have been sitting here together.” I explained, looking at the stars spread across the sky in Mount Abu, filling the atmosphere with tranquility. The breeze was rather chilly and the other students had retired to their rooms, leaving Sameer in I in complete silence and solitude; with each other’s comforting company.

“You’ve just done something I hadn’t...expected from you.” I completed, ransacking my head for a suitable and inoffensive word.

“Munna and Pandit had forced me into…” He began when I intervened once again.

Meeting his gaze I spoke sternly, “You must have control over your decisions. Friends shouldn’t be so influential that you lose control over yourself.”

“Friends are people you sacrifice your life for. And this belief of mine will never waver to change.”

A long moment of silence prevailed where both of us looked at the ground beneath us. After a few seconds of guilt and anguish at being dominating, I apologized, “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

He took a moment to find the right words, “You aren’t wrong, Naina. Just very different from me.”

I smiled at his justification, swaying my legs back and forth with my hands clutching the bench. With a distance of a few centimeters between us, a strong urge within me developed to reduce it. Clearing my throat I looked away, my cheeks flushed with the color he would smirk at.

“Well, I guess you couldn’t use the same justification for your actions, tonight.” I resumed our topic of discussion.

“I know. That was downright wrong for me to do. I shouldn’t have planned to drink tonight.”

“Or any other night.” I added tersely as his lips curved.

“How are you so…” He searched for a word when I completed, “Disciplined?”

He nodded, waiting for my answer. I took a deep breath while I pondered. “What’s the point of defying your moral values when you know what you’re doing is deeply wrong. What remains is regret and guilt, both of which I do not prefer.”

“But don’t you ever develop a fascination for things that are restricted for you? An excitement to experience them?”

“Not alcohol, particularly.” I said succinctly as he let out a giggle.

“Why?” He asked, his voice filled with curiosity.

“I don’t want to lose control over myself, unless I am with someone trustworthy enough to take care of me.” I looked up at him as his gaze met mine. I had unknowingly promised him of a future unknown to the both of us while his smile lingered, welling my heart in ecstacy.

“I promise I’ll touch alcohol only with you. Because you’re the only one who has the tenacity to tolerate me with utmost care.”

Our eyes glistened with brimming tears as he broke the silence, “I didn’t break my promise, Naina.”

I looked away only to find him reducing the proximity by cupping my face again, “I remained true to my word, Naina. I tasted alcohol with you around, because of you. Because you are the only one who can take care of me.” He rubbed his thumb on my cheek, slowly melting me into a pool of churning emotions.

“You broke a bigger promise, Sameer. A promise that broke all the other promises. You broke the future I saw; shattered it to pieces.” Tears flowed down as I sniffed, closing my eyes to hide my vulnerability.

“Please forgive me, Naina.” His voice broke as he touched his forehead to hers.

“Everyone deserves a second chance, why can’t we?” He tried to coerce.

“Because a broken trust takes a lifetime to heal, Sameer.” I confessed, with wet tears yet a dried tone.

“I wouldn’t have been here if you didn’t trust me.” His words left me speechless and I gulped, trying to think of a retaliation.

“You’re drunk, Sameer. Go home.” I ordered nonchalantly, turning away from him. Within a split of a second, he grasped my wrist and pinned me to the nearest wall, his warm breath mixing with my trembling one.

“I am drunk but the world seems hazy to you, Naina. I am drunk yet you seem intoxicated. I am drunk and it feels like you’ve lost control over yourself.” He gritted his teeth, his patience seething in the form of anger. “Why are you so reluctant?”

“Why are you so adamant?”

“Because no one ever had the courage to look me in the eye and openly challenge me, dare to change me. Because no one wanted to understand the hidden Sameer behind the spoilt Sameer Maheshwari. Because I wasn’t anyone’s first thought and every dream. Because no one set my heart on fire. Because no one cared for me more than my own. Because no one sheltered me whenever I found myself lost. Because no one loved me unconditionally. No one but you. Only you, Naina. And I feel nothing but love for the girl who dared to love an unwanted person like me.”

The tears that had started off as slow, irregular ones changed to bitter, uncontrollable ones as my heart soared in happiness. At the confession I badly wanted to hear. I weeped and bit my lip to control the tears while my face broke into a smile.

“Losing you is the worst nightmare I’ve ever dreamt and the only reality I don’t want to wake up to. So please come back, Naina.” He wept while constantly wiping my tears.

“Please forgive me.” He plead as he slumped to the ground. I rushed to his side, holding his face in my hands just as he had a few second ago. Caressing his face I whispered, “How can I stay mad at the one I love the most?” His gaze shot up to mine as I rubbed his hands commiseratingly. A slow grin swept across his face as I said the words we both had longed to hear, “I love you.”

He pushed the strand of hair in front of my face behind my ear as he reciprocated, “I love you too.”

He leaned in and lightly kissed my forehead,  the touch of his lips on my skin sending shivers down my back. Our foreheads touched as a smile crept onto both our faces.

Half an hour later, Sameer’s head lay on my lap while my hands ruffled through his head. It felt heavenly soothing, a feeling I never wanted to obliterate. His hands constantly clutched one hand of mine as he drew slow circles.

“Sameer, how were you so sure Rohit and I--”

“Never join the brat’s name with yours.” His jaw tightened as he gritted. “Moreover, I knew he would never get my Naina.” His voice reflected childlike innocence and I realized the intensification of the effects of alcohol. However, that didn’t stop my heart from yelping in excitement.

“How were you so sure, though?”

“Because you guys were bound to have a relationship filled with anger...whereas we would have a lifetime of togetherness.” He fished a crumpled piece of paper with FLAMES written and crossed out according to our names. I chortled at his cute antics before clutching his hands in assurance once again.

“I’ll always treasure this piece of paper.” I promised.

His words became more incoherent, slurred as the effects of alcohol took over. However, he relaxed and felt at peace; I could tell from the soft breaths he exhaled.

“Sameer...it’s about time you leave.” I whispered into his ear, slowly caressing his stubble.

“I will never leave you, Naina.” He promised with genuity reflecting in his eyes.

I smiled meaningfully before ushering him, “Someone might spot you. It’s best you leave at this hour of the night. But wait, don’t drive the bike. You’re drunk.” I cautioned.

He pursed his lips and tossed his head in giggles, “Don’t worry. I’ve a lot of experience.”

At my austere gaze he clarified, “At driving.”

I gave in to his laughs before he got up and stretched his arms. Flexing his hands and shuffling his hair, he winked at me before bading goodbye, “I can’t wait for this night to end and morning to come.” He groaned, referring to school tomorrow.

“And I don’t want this night to end.” I murmured before grinning widely at him. He clutched my hands into his and I allowed him to hold onto mine for longer. Everything was perfect. The moment, the hold, him, us.

Jumping over the parapet and scrupulously climbing down the ladder amidst my constant words of caution, he made his way towards his bike with better balance than before.

A lone tear escaped my eye as I saw his retreating figure. It was painful to love him. It was more painful to hate him. But it was unbearable to see him go; even if it was a matter of a couple of hours. I heaved a breath and sighed as he revved the engine.

My heart longed for him to turn and flash his smirk. But he didn’t turn back.

And neither did I wipe my tear.

            

Chapter 10:- Deceptions

When you choose a thousand lies over one truth

“Naina…” Her name escaped through my mouth as I gasped in fright. An uncanny fear settled through me as I frowned. My mind constantly reprimanded me for being unreasonable but my instincts proved to be stronger this time. She needed me. And nothing else mattered to me anymore.

Leaving the books scattered messily, I scampered outside our classroom. Scanning through the corridor, my eyebrows furrowed. The splitting headache was long gone for my mind was crowded with her thoughts. The last time I saw her had made my heart ache. She looked so vulnerable, so torn apart that I could do nothing but scold my callousness. The school that had been echoing cheers of excitement now grimaced in this eerie silence. Where all the other students flocked around the campus, signing their shirts on the last day of Grade 11 and hugging each other in glee, there was one girl who had chosen to distance herself from happiness. She had smiled a small, unconvincing smile at everyone who approached her today and had made sure to stay away from any color whatsoever. She had chuckled hysterically and I had understood the hidden meaning. How would she have indulged in celebration when her life had awarded her with colorless pain and depression. Swati and Preeti had given up with a dejected sigh; they hadn’t been able to bring a tinge of joy on their best friend’s face. Where each eleventh grader jumped around carelessly, Naina made sure each textbook was kept back in place, each school property kept intact. I had very surreptitiously meandered from her path each time she crossed mine but made sure to keep a watch on her at all times. If not back home, at least I could ensure her safety in school, I had decided.

However, her sadness hadn’t irked me as much as another pair of eyes ogling at her did. From the first time I saw him, I knew he was trouble. Munna and Pandit had repeatedly tried to convince me, but I wasn’t ready to accept their theories. No, I wasn’t jealous. My hands didn’t curl into fists each time I saw his hands purposely brush against hers. I did not grit my teeth at his advances. My heart did not burn in agony whenever she smiled at him, for him. I was just concerned for my best friend.

As soon as I reached the threshold of the place memorable to both me and her, my breath hitched at the sight. Anger surged through my veins as I felt my heart burn in fire. The minimal proximity between her and that brat wasn’t the only thing that made me curse under my breath. He had forcefully been gripping her shoulders, shaking her aggressively, making her shut her eyes in pain.

“Rohit!” My voice resonated from each corner of the library, a shiver running down my back at hearing my own intimidating threat.

Both jolted yet orbs contrasted. While hers spoke of relief and gratitude, his spat vehement anger, laced with an unusual fear. My eyes blazed as I muttered something unintelligible under my breath. Taking quick strides towards them, I blocked his view; standing between Naina and him. She seemed to have gained a slight bit of faith in me, for she encircled both her hands around my arm. Within moments of adrenaline rush, my heart stopped beating at the newfound sensation. Her hands had clung onto me, causing each cell within me to erupt. The hold seemed so perfect, the feeling beyond exhilaration.

“Don’t mess with me, Sameer.” Rohit gritted, his quietened voice suppressing the vicious anger churning inside him.

“Don’t you dare come near Naina.” I warned, pointing my index finger at him.

“And why do you care?” His question left me startled, almost speechless.

“Shouldn’t bother you.” I scoffed back after a moment, pursing my lips.

His tone quickly changed and the devilish smirk had been replaced by helplessness.

“Why are you doing this, Sameer?” His question made me frown.

“I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t hurt Naina anymore.” His so-called ‘confession’ made Naina’s steps falter as her hands retreated, leaving me with a disturbing emptiness.

“What are you talking about, Rohit?” Her trembling voice flashed memories of that one unfateful day.

I gulped to control the rigmarole of emotions and my eyes focused on Naina’s face. Her hands had yet again shared an unfortunate reunion, for her fingers started fidgeting with each other. Her lips had formed a thin, straight line while her brows had arched in worry. I looked back at Rohit, the morbid expression back on my face.

He bent his head in shame, “I’m sorry Naina. I had to risk our friendship because of his threat.”

“What?!” Naina and I shrieked in disbelief as eyes met. The lost faith in me that had slowly been returning had just faced an obstacle of doubt.

“Don’t act so innocent, Sameer.”

“I-I...Naina, I don’t understand--” I stammered hastily, eyes seeking justice.

“Naina, he threatened me to confess my love for you today, on the last day of Grade 11. He jeopardized me into forcing my love on you. Only so that you could start hating me and go back to him.”

“Ha. What a story, Rohit. Naina will never--”

“How could you, Sameer?” Her voice accused disgustingly as she intervened. I stood there dumbfounded.

“You’re actually questioning me, Naina. And trusting him?” My voice raised in disbelief.

“Yes. Because he has actually gained my trust, Sameer Maheshwari. And you have done nothing else but broken it. Not once, but twice now.” Naina loathed. I blinked furiously to keep my vision straight.

“Naina, I--”

“Just stop it, Sameer.”

“Listen to me, Naina--”

“Shut up, Sameer!” Her voice echoed, making me gasp and tremble.

“Why can’t you ever just let me be? Why can’t you stay away from me?” Her wavering tone didn’t support her anger and I knew she was breaking down.

“One chance, Sameer. I got one chance to be happy. And you ruined it all, again!” Tears streamed down her face, making my heart ache.

“I didn’t do anything, Naina. Why would I try to win you back this way?” My choice of words hadn’t stagnated the much needed peace between us.

“So you were trying to win me back?” She cornered.

“I-I--”

“Am I some sort of prize, Sameer? After everything we’ve been through, is this what you decide to do?”

“Naina, you’re getting me wrong--”

“No.” She interrupted for the umpteenth time today, making me irk in helplessness.

“I thought I knew you well, Sameer. I thought your apologies were genuine. I thought you really wanted to...But once again, you cleared all my doubts. Thank you so much!”

With that she stomped off, making me feeble yet again. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a treacherous smirk return. Rohit followed Naina in toe as I saw their retreating figure blur. Had one mistake ruined everything I still hoped for? Had one mistake changed everything we ever had, if we did?

Two horns and her figure appeared, making my heart yelp in happiness; much to my surprise. Her hands clutched the parapet of her balcony and her lips broke into a wide grin. Her face brightened against the night sky and the chirping of birds lessened, just like the chaos on the roads.

She raised her eyebrows at my sudden presence with a gesture of her hands. I pointed at the parapet of her balcony as my eyebrows arched simultaneously. Her smile turned into a frown which further progressed into shock.

“Are you crazy?” She whispered in bewilderment as my lips curved in amusement. I approached her balcony as I noticed her shudder in nervousness. Rummaging the colony dump yard grounds, my face beamed at the wooden object; my savior. Effortlessly carrying the ladder, I placed it right against her balcony; with one end touching the outer side of the parapet. Clutching both sides of the slightly feeble ladder, I took slow steps.

“I guess I am…” I answered her supposed rhetorical question as I climbed one step.

“Or else I wouldn't have expected myself  at your doorstep in the middle of the night.” Swinging myself slightly, I climbed another two steps.

“I wouldn't have expected myself to be stealthily sneaking out of my place at this hour of the night.” I was two steps away from her and my smile widened.

“If I weren't crazy, I wouldn't have become the Romeo to my Juliet.” My last sentence made her fluster as she looked away in embarrassment.

“Won't you call me inside?” I leaned towards her, making her arch back simultaneously.

“Rather ‘outside’.” She chuckled, making me break into fits into laughter. Naina hushed me immediately, pointing at a sleeping Preeti inside.

I composed myself and kept a finger on my lips, eyes wide in alert, making her giggle.

“Weren't you supposed to be asleep by now?” I asked with a smirk on my face.

“Um...actually, I was busy packing, so…” She sheepishly attempted, making my smirk progress to a lingering smile. She bit her lip, making my heart shudder desperately as I closed my eyes to gain control over myself.

“Packing, hmm. Naina, we’re leaving for Mount Abu tomorrow. And as far as I know you, you’re the last person on Earth who’d procrastinate.” I cornered, inching towards her. She retreated in sync, her breathing getting heavier with each passing second.

“Um...Sameer--”

“Just the truth.” I whispered huskily in her ear, making her tremble. My lips curved yet again at seeing the effect I had on her. My hands cried to hold her but my mind restrained, sending red signals at the probable consequences. Although our friendship had grown to a new level of comfortability, yet she still valued her morals above all. Or so I thought.

Her orbs lifted to meet mine as I felt myself drown into the husky brown color that reflected an ocean of emotions.

“How can I when my thoughts start and end at you only.” Her unexpected confession left me astounded. The wider her smile grew, the faster my heart raced.

“Naina…”

“By the way, what brought you here?” She dodged the question I was about to ask by walking away from me. Leaning towards the parapet of her balcony, with her forearms resting on the railing, she inhaled, taking in the sweet smell of everything around her. I turned around to find her hair dancing carelessly in the chilly breeze.

“Do I need a reason to be here?” I asked, with my back leaning against the parapet. I saw her blush crimson as I shuffled my hair cockily.

“Aren’t you afraid, Naina? There’s a boy in your house and yet you seem so relaxed.”

She straightened and shifted her gaze to me, “You can either have fear inside of you or faith. And I have utmost faith in you, Sameer.”

Her words made my heart heavy with guilt. I pursed my lips, inwardly cursing myself.

“And what about all the mistakes I make, Naina. What if--”

“No mistake can be so grave to separate me from you, to cause my faith on you to waver.”

“Why do you trust me so much, Naina?” My voice lowered and I felt ashamed for distorting her.

“Because I…” She left her sentence incomplete and my heart skipped a beat.

“Then why now, Naina? Why has a mistake distanced you from me?” A tear escaped as I scrutinized the whiskey glass in my hand. Without Naina and the unexpected absence of my best friends, I found myself surrounded by the only other support system; alcohol. Nanaji was out of town for a business trip and I found the opportunity to sneak into his room and trespass into the little corner of treasures. I had downed enough whiskey for me to lose balance and control over myself.

“How could you think I would stoop so low, Naina? How could you trust that brat over me?” I grimaced as my mind replayed the chain of events. Gulping another glass of whiskey, my face contorted at its bitter taste. Despite the dizziness, an unsettling trepidation constantly churned at the pit of my stomach. The fear of losing her forever overpowered all other emotions, including my ability to think straight. Slowly balancing myself and knocking off a thing or two, I grabbed my bike keys and head off to the place that reminded of bittersweet incidents.

I knew I had been driving recklessly; honking at every person I saw, swerving the bike in every direction. I noticed a few concerned looks while a few eyed anger at my carelessness. Yet the only person that captivated my mind and soul was her. Her serene face, the radiant smile she so often expressed, the reddening effect I had on her. Nothing else mattered to me anymore. Not her rage. Neither the worry of being caught. I had to see her. I had to heal wounds she kept so solemnly. And that’s when my lips pursed in determination.

Jerking the bike to one side, I heard it screech, alerting a few bedside lamps in her colony. I quickly hid behind the local PCO, waiting for silence to take over the abrupt chaos. With the gleaming moon as the only witness, I slowly tiptoed towards my bike, grabbing everything for support and balance all the while. My trembling fingers dubiously turned it on as I heard the engine revv.

Two honks. And I knew two hearts had skipped a beat.  

  

Chapter 9:- Love?

Once a love, always a love

“Hi!” An unknown voice filled my ears, making me halt in my tracks. No, it wasn’t the familiar voice I had unknowingly longed to hear. Despite his betrayal, I had gotten accustomed to him, his antics, his flirtatious comments, his shuffling of hair, his cute apologies, his boisterous grins. How could I possibly get over them?

“Hello?” The voice repeated, breaking my chain of thoughts. I shifted my gaze to notice an unfamiliar face. His hair wasn’t how I liked, it was rather short and prim. His eyes weren’t ones I wanted to explore but jovial, excited and black in color. His uniform was prim and neat and contrasted his brown skin. A long nose and a wide grin. Thankfully his eyes weren’t accompanied by glasses.

I tried to smile meekly, “Hi?”

His lips widened into a bigger smile, “Hi, I’m Rohit.” With that, he extended his hand for a handshake. I looked at him questioningly. I had only given one person the right to touch me. My heart shuddered at the thought but my mind convinced. He was the past. A bad memory I never wanted to cherish.

“I’m Naina Agarwal.” I introduced hesitantly, accepting the handshake. Rohit’s hands were cold and hard unlike his. I shook my head immediately, I wouldn’t think about him.

“Who doesn’t know you? The topper Naina.” He beamed in delight, making my smile widen.

“Thanks.” I appreciated before withdrawing my hand.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He fumbled looking here and there sheepishly.

“Are you new here?” I queried, curious at his presence.

“Yeah. My mom got transferred here from Mumbai. So we had to leave mid-year.” Rohit explained.

“Your mom works?” I asked with a bizarre look at the thought.

“Yeah. Dad passed away three years ago.” His expression turned grim.

“I’m-I’m sorry.” I apologized.

“It’s okay.” He passed an understanding smile.

“I can understand, Rohit. I lost my mom the day I was born.” I gulped.

“I’m so sorry, Naina.” He rested his hand on my shoulder, startling me. Never had we shared any physical contact, not until much later.

“Uh, I think I’m getting late for class.” I moved away, making his hand drop.

“Okay...I’ll see you around.” He smiled before turning the other way. I started walking, hands clutching each other and rubbing vigorously. How was Rohit so different than him? Stop. Not everyone was as inconsiderate as Sameer. But he never crossed his limits; never touched me unless my permission.

“C’mon Naina, we’re getting late.” Swati’s boisterous voice broke my chain of thoughts; or rather halted the battle between my heart and mind.

He sat in his usual place; eyes brightened at my presence. His acknowledgement made my heart yelp in happiness until my mind controlled my feelings from wandering off. The automatic smile reduced to an ignorant expression as I looked away and made my way towards my bench. Swati had just settled into the spot beside mine when the same voice reappeared,

“Hi. If you don’t mind, can I please sit here?”

My head spun to notice the boy I had just conversed with a few minutes ago. Was Rohit asking to sit beside me?!

“Umm, sure?” Swati responded, slightly confused. She moved to the bench behind mine as the pink school bag got replaced by a black one.

“Hi, again!” He jumped, making me smile yet frown.

“You’re in this class?” I asked incredulously.

“Yup. Same section.” He laughed.

I caught notice of hands balling into fists and curseful words being muttered. The boy sitting on the bench beside mine looked clearly displeased and angry. I somehow smiled inwardly at seeing his anger. For the first time, his restlessness seemed like a sign of victory to me.

The class continued with several exchanges of smiles between Rohit and I and desperate stares in anguish by him. Rohit was a nice and light-hearted person, but I couldn’t divert my attention from the boy I wanted to hate. The more I tried to concentrate on Rohit’s words, the more my eyes shifted to him and his anger filled expression.

Weeks turned into months as Rohit and my friendship deepened. Our hands had brushed against each other’s multiple times but the butterflies never erupted. My breath never hitched. The feeling I had longed for with Sameer never came. Rohit was perfect in every way. He cracked funny jokes every now and then, he was studious and aced every subject. He participated in sports and was modern, caring and understanding in nature. But he was everything but Sameer.

Sameer. His stares never stopped and neither did the nagging feeling. But I hated him, didn’t I? Sameer was reckless, disrespectful and immature. And yet he evoked emotions no one else had.

“Why, Naina? Why did you fall for the wrong guy?” I had reprimanded at myself several times to get tears as the only response.

...

“Naina?” I had gotten used to that voice by now. Grade 11 had just ended and I was returning textbooks back to the library when his voice peeked in.

“Hey Rohit. Came to return textbooks?” I asked casually. Over the past months, I had regained my confidence and self-esteem. In fact, Rohit had unknowingly helped me overcome my depression.

“Uh, yeah.” He stuttered, brushing the back of his neck with his hand.

“What happened?” I asked, concerned. I took a few steps towards him as he reciprocated my actions. Without any warning he took my hands in his and confessed,

“Naina, I wanted to say something.”

“Yes?” I asked dreadingly. Somehow I knew what he wanted to say. And I wasn’t ready. Not yet. Not ever.

“Naina, I-I really like you.” He met my gaze; crushing my heart again. Not because he confessed. But because I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“Rohit, please don’t do this. Don’t ruin our friendship.” I said moments after his sudden confession, trying to free my hands. But he had tightened his grip.

“Why Naina? Don’t you like me?” He probed.

“I do, but not in that way, Rohit. I’ve always seen you as a friend. Please.” I tried.

“That is the starting point, Naina. Love blossoms from friendship.” He forced, suffocating me. I needed space. To think. To comprehend. I hadn’t gotten over the melancholy in my life and history was repeating itself already. The cursed rigmarole of events was repeating itself.

“Love?” I caught on that word. The one word that I had adored a few months ago. The one word that had betrayed me like nothing else. That one word that I had distanced myself from.

“Yes, Naina. I think I love you.” He admitted. Shock would’ve been an understatement for what I was going through. A wave of emotions had flushed through me, resulting to a mixture of devastation and anger.

“I don’t, Rohit. I can’t.” Was all I could utter, jerking my hand from his grasp. He was cornering me, intimidating me.

“Why, Naina? Why can’t you love me?”

“Because love is a very pure emotion, Sameer. Once you lose your heart to someone, you do. You can’t fall in love more than once.” I explained to an ardent Sameer. We were in the library with Chemistry textbooks scattered around and were having another study session when he asked a peculiar question on love. Sameer had been sitting on the chair turned the other way around, so that his hands rested on the backrest of the chair and his head on his crossed arms.

“How is that possible, Naina? What if you met someone, fell in love, lost contact, met someone else and fell in love again.

I realized who he was talking about. Sameer was describing his life; me being the ‘someone else’. However, who was the girl he fell in love with first?

“That’s not possible, Sameer. Either the former was physical attraction or the latter. You can’t fall in love twice.” I smiled, silently hoping the I was the one he had truly fallen in love with.

“Really? Then tell me this, have you fallen in love?” A smirk lingered on his face as I met his gaze.

“I have.” I admitted, leaving myself in disbelief. He straightened in shock or admiration--I couldn’t tell.

“You have?” He clarified to which I nodded.

“And what if you get over him and fall in love again?” Sameer wasn’t ready to believe my logic.

“I won’t, Sameer. Even if I ‘get over him’, as you term it my love for him will never die. Because that’s what love does to you. It gives you happiness and makes you experience atrocities. But never does it leave you. And never does it stop spreading its magic.” Our faces broke into genuine smiles, his eyes glistening at my honesty.

“Tell me Naina, why can’t you love me?” Rohit perpetuated, much to my chagrin.

“Because, Rohit. I never felt anything for you.” I gritted through my teeth, annoyed now.

“But you said you liked me.” He instigated me further.

“As a friend, Rohit. I can’t love you.” I tried to turn around but he held my shoulders, a little to tightly.

“No Naina. You can’t break my heart like this. Please don’t do this to me. Please. I know you love me. I know.” He shook me as if trying to put sense into me. Enough was enough. I had considered Rohit a good friend of mine. And now when everything was finally getting into place, he had to ruin it.

“Stop it.” I said a little loudly, but firmly. I struggled to get out of his grasp, but he was stronger than me.

“Naina, please don’t do this to me. I love you.”

“Stop it Sameer!” I screamed. And that’s when my eyes widened in terror.