Yours Truly

Love finds its way, through thick and thin

People flocked faster than birds as excitement filled the atmosphere. Heaps of flowers adorned their complex as their building decked up in vibrant lights. Cups of tea swerved around, its soothing aroma making everyone sigh in relaxation. Nirmal Jyoti Society was nothing less than a spectrum of vivid colors. Men discussed business while women giggled amidst gossips. Children became a showcase for other ‘competitor’ relatives, each parent showing how talented or sincere their child was. Some enjoyed the attention, while others whined in frustration. Not everyone preferred to be flaunted…except for a few.

I chuckled at their little antics and the worried faces of parents. At times I considered myself unfortunate for not having boastful parents who’d flaunt my academic achievements and dedication in front of our treacherous society. And then came these instances when I thanked my stars for saving me from our prying relatives. My Chachaji and Chachiji doted on me, but never presented me in such a manner; not that I was accustomed to such public display of ludicrous attention either…I wasn’t like him.

Balancing two trays of tea and snacks for the fifth time in a row, I dashed through the chaos, sashaying my way similar to a maze, when he bumped into me, again.

“Allow me.” He offered, swiftly shifting the weight I had been carrying to his sturdy arms. I huffed in annoyance and rolled my eyes at him. But he, just like every other day this week, passed an optimistic smile and subtly winked at me, making me choke on my breath. He chortled at the rise of color of my cheeks and disappeared into the crowd as fast as he could. I turned around to find a purple satin shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows, jumping around boisterously.

I felt being elbowed and shifted my gaze to the girl smirking at me. My lips curved into a thin line and head tilted in exasperation, “What now?”

“Just forgive him already.” The smile on her face still lingered, widening to a grin.

“You bet, Preeti.” I laughed sardonically with an expression of hysteria evident on my face. My sister, the one person who had recently changed sides, pulled me to a corner of the decorated living hall of our house and hissed, “Why are you doing this, Naina?”

My attention focused on passing pretentious smiles to strangers; relatives I barely knew as I spoke, “What are you talking about?”

“Can I have your undivided attention?” She fired, pugnacious enough to pounce at me.

I looked at her and noticed her straight face. She had been gritting her teeth in anger, while her forehead marked several uninvited creases.

“Okay…” I gave in.

“He’s indomitably doing everything for you, Naina.” Preeti slammed.

“He’s paying for his mistakes, Preeti, nothing more than that.” I rebutted, though half heartedly.

“You know that’s not true, Naina. He wasn’t the reason behind Arjun Bhaiya’s injury.”

“He instigated my brother. None of this would’ve happened if—“

“He had come to apologize, Naina. Just like he had to you. He had come to seek forgiveness, just like he had from you. Despite knowing the consequences, he came, only for you.” 

“Why are you constantly defending him, Preeti?” I accused.

“Because I can judge right from wrong. Something you’ve seemed to have forgotten.”

“So you think I am being prejudiced?”

“No. I think you’re being too harsh on Sameer.” 

“And what about all that he’s done to me, Preeti? I risked everything for him…I loved him.” My confident voice wavered to a whisper and a tear slowly trickled down my face.

“And he loves you, Naina.” Preeti clutched my hands in assurance.

Passing a menacing glance at her I whispered acridly, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Preeti couldn’t control her temper any longer, for she hollered vivaciously, “Of course it does!” 

All eyes turned towards us; a few curious and others rather austere. I smiled weakly, brushing off the topic. My sister, however, didn’t feel the slightest bit of tension as she stomped off to our room.

“I’m sorry. Just one of those sister fights, you know.” I confessed guiltily before I caught Taiji’s stern expression, ushering me inside. I gulped and my eyes surreptitiously ransacked the entire hall until they met his gaze. His eyebrows had arched with worry clearly evident on his face. Lowering my gaze, I took quick strides inside our room.

I shut the door behind me and her eyes faced mine, mirroring her glowering ones.

“Did you have to create a scene outside, Preeti?” I gritted, clutching her arms.

“Why does it even bother you, Naina. When you can so easily mock someone’s feelings--”

“Why don’t you understand?” My grip on her loosened as my anger filled voice softened to a plead.

“I do, Naina. Trust me, I do.” Her voice palliated too as she propped me on the bed. Crouching, she consoled, “I understand what you’re going through. What you’ve been through.” A lone tear escaped and I sighed. 

“But you need to understand too, Naina. You’ve built your walls too high. Everyone deserves a second chance, right?” She expressed meekly to which I nodded in affirmation.

“And this is Sameer. The most handsome and caring guy you can ever get.” She teased, making me glare at her.

“Okay fine. But you deserve the best, Naina. And he’s the best.” She whispered scrupulously. 

“But he--”

“If this is about Arjun Bhaiya…” She huffed in irritation. 

“No it isn’t. I know Sameer has no hand in this mishap. No matter how much Arjun Bhaiya blames him, my heart knows Sameer isn’t at fault.” I confessed, thoughts wandering back at him.

A slow smile played on her lips as Preeti teased, “Ahem ahem...seems like our Naina knows her Sameer too well.”

Bringing me out of my reverie I scolded immediately, “My Sameer?  There’s nothing as such, Preeti. Stop bickering nonsensically.” 

“Really? So I’m the senseless one here. And aren’t you so sensible, dreaming about him all day?” 

It took me a few moments to gather myself and break down once more, “I’m scared, Preeti. Scared to trust him again. Scared to get shattered. Scared to fall in love again, Preeti.”

She clutched my hands in assurance as she guaranteed, “He won’t break your heart again, Naina. You know that too.”

Preeti’s eyes brimmed with tears when I made them falter with my words, “No. I won’t fall weak again.”

“Are you crazy?!” She chastised, gritting through her teeth.

“I was, Preeti. Crazily in love with him. But I am not anymore. Love is just an illusion. And I’m grateful to Sameer for showing me the harsh reality.” I spoke bitterly, fighting away tears.

“Just stop it, Naina! You’re running; from him, from yourself. I can’t believe you could be so heartless that you’re ignoring everything he has been doing for you. Do as you please.”

As soon as I heard the door slam shut, the tears I had taken so much effort to control, made their way back onto my face. My vision blurred but the reality was as clear as crystal. We weren’t meant to be together. Not because of the contrasting differences we had grown to love. But because of the faith we had lost. I wasn’t heartless. My heart still ached each time I saw him; for him and because of him. But I was helpless. Hopelessly falling for him everyday. And yet I couldn’t do anything to stop myself. No matter how many times my mind retaliated, my heart’s desire overpowered. The desire to see him. The desire to hear his voice. The desire to feel his touch. 

“Why Sameer?” I broke down, with my head in my hands.

“Because I love you, Naina.” His voice echoed in my room, startling me. Hastily wiping the tears, I turned back to find him leaning against the wall, with his arms crossed lightly in front of his chest.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, the austerity back in my voice.

“Waiting.” His voice seemed somber, almost guilt-stricken. 

“It’s not worth it. Just a waste of time, Sameer.” I said, the determination getting weaker with each passing second. 

“In that case, I’m ready to ‘waste’ my time.” He took steps towards me as I simultaneously retreated. My hands curled up into fists in nervousness as the courage in my eyes faded to fear. Not knowing where I was going, I soon crashed into the wall with a close proximity of just a few centimeters between us.

“Sameer…” I breathed.

“Naina…” He responded with equal fervor. Caging me between his hands, I could feel his orbs darken and a lump formed in my throat. His eyes observed each little detail; the slow soft sweat beads forming on my forehead, the creases caused by apprehension, the eyebrows arched in worry. He flinched as I unknowingly bit my lip and my stomach churned at his intense gaze. I felt myself go numb and I knew I was about to lose control. The way my fingers itched to brush against his newly formed stubble was simply unsettling. Clearing my throat faintly, I managed to voice,

“I don’t love you.” 

“I’m glad it hasn’t regressed to ‘I hate you’.” He chagrined.

“Why are you doing this, Sameer?” I asked defeatedly.

“I’m sorry, Naina.” He apologized, for what was the tenth time today. Yet the genuinity in his voice and the honesty in his orbs failed to diminish.

“It doesn’t matter.” I denied coldly.

“Of course it does. It matters to me. Everything about you matters to me, Naina.” He banged his hands against the wall, making me jump in fright. I could sense the possessiveness glint in his tone. No matter how angry I was staring at him, my heart couldn’t help glee in elation. 

Composing myself, I walked past him over to my bed and slumped, “I can’t, Sameer. Not anymore. I’m not ready to face heartbreak again. I loved you, endlessly. But you destroyed everything.”

Crouching in front of me, he apologized, “The bet was unintentional. Your love confession was planned, but not the change of feelings within me, evoked by you and your love.”

“It’s all over, Sameer.” My voice wavered as I looked away.

“I’m not ready to accept that. And I’ll do anything and everything to regain your faith over me.”

My breath hitched at his untimely confession. This was who I had fallen in love with, who I still secretly loved, no matter how much my mind defied. All those memories flashed in front of my eyes, making me nostalgic. The initial happiness was too sweet to be real and the brutal pain too melancholic to accept.

“Naina?” I heard Chachiji call out to me, making me shudder. A wave of fear surged through me as I wiped the tears that had pooled into my eyes. 

“You’ll never get through to me, Sameer.” I promised as I plastered the pretentious smile back and walked away, leaving him just how he had.

“Chachiji?” She swiveled with a bright smile on her face. The joy of her daughter’s marriage was evident through her high spirits and lively gait. 

“Where were you?” She queried, leaving me at a loss of words. Before I could come up with a reasonable excuse, she washed a wave of relief through me, “Get your henna done before time runs out, Naina.”

Due to the anguish caused by two of the most important people in my life this morning, I hesitated.

“C’mon Naina. It’s your sister’s wedding. Don’t you want to do everything to see her happy?” Her eyes brimmed with tears as I rested my hand on her shoulder with an understanding nod.

As I made my way amidst the crowds to the clearing where talented girls sat with henna cones in their hands, surrounded by eager faces. Watching a smiling Pooja Didi; the bride to be, sitting in the middle exclaimed my name to show the talent the young girls had shown on her hands.

“It looks beautiful, Didi. Just like you.” I complimented, caressing her face while letting out a few giggles.

“Where’s Preeti?” She asked, looking around.

“You know her, Pooja Didi. She despises the odor of henna, so don’t expect her coming out of her room anytime soon.”

Mocking a disapproving look she chortled, “And like every time, I know you’ll secretly draw a few patterns on her hands, much against her will.” 

“Go and get yourself some first, Naina!” I nodded with a grin.

Pleating the purple ‘dupatta’ on my shoulder once again, I cleared the creases on my cream yellow ‘kurti’ before walking towards one of the girls.

“Henna?” She queried softly to which I nodded in affirmation. Her eyes warmed in glee and her smile widened at seeing her new customer.

“Any preferences, ma’am?” She asked as she cut the tip of a fresh henna cone.

“Nothing of that sort. And please, just Naina.” I requested to receive a grinning reaction from her.

“You’re the first one to say this.” The cold henna touched my skin, tickling me.

“Love seems to be in the air. Everyone has gotten an initial imprinted on their hands. Do you have one too?” She asked mischievously.

“Sameer.” I blurted in a daze. 

“But he broke my heart, before I got a chance to experience love. He shattered dreams before I dreamed them. He sprung hopes within me without showing me any ray of dawn.” My vision blurred once again and I sniffed to control myself.

“I’m sorry.” She apologized meekly.

“It’s okay...it’s not your fault.” I comforted soothingly.

“No...it actually is my fault.” Her clarification made my brows furrow in confusion.

She pointed towards my hand and my eyes widened in horror. At the corner of my hand, she had traced a capital ‘S’.

“What did you do?!” I shrieked, appalled at her actions. I could already imagine the cascade of slaps on my face.

“I’m sorry.” She bent her head in shame. My anger faded into guilt as I realized.

“Actually, I am sorry. I shouldn't have blown up at you like this.”

Rummaging my brain for any solution to this problem my thoughts had created, my eyes lit up as I insinuated, “Can’t you rub this out?”

To my chagrin, she shook her head, “Your henna has dried out already. I can’t do anything anymore.”

“Thanks to the sunny weather.” I muttered under my breath. Forcing a weak smile, I stood up and dashed to the nearest washroom. Vigorously rubbing my hands against each other, I tried to pierce his name from my hand. Unfortunately, his initial wouldn’t bug, just like him. Controlling my temper I took a deep breath and tried to calm my racing heart. Wiping my hands with the hand towel I decided I would hide it as much as I could.

Forcing my way out of the crowd that now seemed more of a disturbance, I ran inside my room to the balcony that overlooked the entire gathering below. Clutching the parapet, I cursed myself inwardly. What was the need to let joy overflood when I didn’t deserve it? Looking away, I bit my lip treacherously, thinking of the terrible consequences. Taiji and Tauji would surely abandon me after learning about my sins, if not father himself. Chachaji still might understand my plight, but I wasn’t certain. I shuddered at the thought as I scrutinized my gaze at the ‘S’, blaring at me. I turned to confide in Preeti when my breath hitched at his sight.

I stuttered, “S-Sameer?”

He frowned at my eerie nature before approaching me, “What’s wrong with you?”

Clasping my hands together, I took notice of the artfully uninteresting floor.

“Naina?” Sameer grew concerned at my troubled look. Just when he raised his hand to calm me down, I flinched, moving away.

“I’m fine.” I hurried to go but he grabbed my wrist.

Urging him to loosen his grip, I struggled, “Let go of me, Sameer.” 

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” He pursed his lips resolutely. 

“I told you nothing’s wrong.” His grip loosened and I hid my hand behind the other one.

“What are you hiding, Naina?” Sameer pointed at my hand.

“Nothing at all.” I stammered nervously.

“Show me your hand.” He demanded to which I shook my head rigorously.

“No. Who are you to command anyway?” I questioned, infuriated.

“Your…” He left his sentence incomplete but it did not take much time for my cheeks to fluster.

“Naina, show me your hand.” He repeated, more stern this time.

“No.”

“Naina…”

“I said no.”

Pinning me to that very wall, he gazed into my eyes so lovingly that I felt myself go weak in the knees.

“Sameer…” I whispered with all the love and affection.

Scrupulously taking hold of my hand, he brought it up to his gaze as his expression changed from worry to shock to a sly smirk.

“So this is what you were hiding.” He traced the ‘S’ with his thumb, putting a halt to the chain of thoughts.

“Sameer!” I exclaimed in despisement.

“I can’t help it if your weakness lies in our close proximity.” He shrugged before intensifying his gaze on me.

“You know what I’ve heard about imprinting an initial on your hand?” He whispered huskily into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

“It was an accident.” I mouthed, barely audible to myself.

“You bet.” His smirk lingered as I tilted my head to meet his gaze.

“It’s not going to change anything between us.” I clarified half-heartedly.

“So you do admit there is something between us.” He cornered me as I gulped.

“I won’t let you win this time, Sameer Maheshwari.” I challenged with an uncanny strength in my voice. 

“I don't want to either.” He whispered, his hot breath fanning my face, making me tremble.

“I want us to win. And I’ll make sure we do.” He promised, clutching my hand.

Bringing my hand close to him, I shivered at the possibilities. No matter how much I valued my morals, my love for novels had enlightened me of the things that took place between a girl and a boy to a reasonable extent.

“Sameer.” I warned. “Anyone could come in.”

“I don’t care. I’m not committing a crime.” He paused before finishing, “You are mine. Only mine.”

Bringing my hand to his lips, he lightly kissed the ‘S’, making me jolt with a surge of inexperienced emotions. His touch erupted fire in the pit of my stomach as I shut my eyes, feeling every sensation he brought. His lips lingered on my palm and my heart raced rapidly. I felt dizzy, yet as exhilarated as never before. My jaw tightened and lips suffered the tormentation once again. To my disbelief, my heart ached for more while my mind reprimanded otherwise. Just his soft, warm touch brought back so many dreams, it seemed surreal. In that moment I realized I was falling for him, for the umpteenth time.  

As he lifted his gaze to meet mine, he whispered into my ear,

“And I’m yours. No matter how much you deny this, Naina. I’m yours. Yours truly.” 

A sense of happiness filled my heart. And yet he disappeared as surreptitiously as he came. His retreating figure stopped and turned, a slow smile playing on his lips. With a wink he left, leaving me restless once again.