Close Apart

Can dreams sometimes foreshadow reality?

The chirping of birds had lessened to an odd few while the street lights flickered at irregular intervals. The gush of cool breezes made him shiver slightly, but not more than the enticing figure standing in front of him. His room was dark with the moon as the only gleaming object. The white curtains of his room danced frivolously against the winds while a few pencils rustled against each other on the desk at the corner of his room. The constant disturbing beep of his telephone was kept to rest as he jerked away the connection cable. The entire house was sleeping peacefully except for one restless soul. His lost soul. The soul that had found an uncanny solace in her.

She let her hair loose as her hair tie scampered off to a distant. Biting her lip seductively, she made him groan in desire. He wasn’t in his senses anymore. Tonight his wants overpowered his needs. His mind chortled with a smirk despite the warnings given by his heart. No longer did he care about her moral values nor his promises.

“I want you.” She admitted wholeheartedly, eyes glistening with happiness.

“So do I.” He whispered, taking long, quick strides towards her. She lifted her gaze to meet his, blushing profusely the next second.

Grabbing her arm, he twirled her and pulled her, making her back crash into his chest. Pushing her silky long hair to one side, he bit her earlobe, making her moan in pleasure. Dropping sloppy wet kisses along her neck, he pulled the collar of her floral shirt, exposing succulent and soft flesh ready to be devoured. He bent and kissed her shoulder, making her arch her back. She clutched his neck, her fingernails digging deeper than ever, leaving her mark on him. He traced her outline with his cold fingers, feeling each goosebump, each perfect curve of hers. She moaned in ecstasy, the feeling so sinfully incredible. Tugging at the folded ends of her shirt, Sameer pulled it from the grasp of her satiny purple skirt. She grabbed his hands, as if cautioning him.

“Shh…are you okay?” He whispered huskily into her ear.

She took a moment before murmuring, “I want this. With you.”

He smiled before grabbing a hold of the hem of her shirt. Sliding his hands underneath, he felt her soft, sweet skin. The faint odor filled his nose as he inhaled with utmost desire. Her breathing unevened at his touch, her body reacting irrevocably. He drew soothing circles on her belly, taking in the breathtaking feeling himself. Never had he felt so revived. No wonder his friends always gushed dreamily about such movies.

Before his hands could explore any further, she turned towards him, her face glowing under the moonlight. She lifted her hands and brushed her fingers against her manly stubble. Ah...the tickling pleasure it gave was too satisfying. She traced his perfect jawline as her eyes darkened at seeing his toned muscles through his fitted light blue shirt. The sleeves were folded up to his elbows and she traced each vein, hearing each blood cell cry out to her. His arm snaked around her waist while the other surrendered itself to her for further exploration. Jerking her towards him, he forced her to shift her gaze to his orbs. Dubiously, her trembling fingers unbuttoned the first three buttons of his shirt, exposing what her heart yelped for. A sly smirk lingered on his face as he lifted her chin with his fingers. Inching closer to her, he felt her hot breath. Their faces broke into smiles as they leaned in.

“No!” His eyes shot open as he sat upright, panting heavily. He looked around only to find utmost darkness around him; the surroundings too similar to be true. Wiping the sweat beads formed on his head, he panted, “Naina…”

It wasn’t the first time. Yet the incident was still fresh in his mind. It wasn’t a dream his face had reddened at. But a nightmare he desperately wanted to forget. It wasn’t a memory to be cherished. But a mistake he deeply regretted.

His heart thumped uncontrollably as he downed a glass of water. Rubbing his hands over his face, he grunt in frustration. This shouldn't have happened, his heart scolded his mind once again. However, it wasn’t his fault, not entirely, his mind defended. His head throbbed and heart burned. Sameer knew he had disappointed the one he never wanted to. And she had all the right to reprimand at his impertinence.

Dawn had broken through his transparent curtains, the sun shining brightly, welcoming a new morning. Yet, this time his eyelids didn’t need to fight with the early morning rays. For sleep was long gone for him. He had frantically roamed across his room the entire night, a sense of discomfort settling in the pit of his stomach. He was scared. No, terrified. He couldn’t lose her, not at any cost. Yet he had to confront. Confess his actions. Rectify his mistakes. He had crossed his limits, had raised her innocent love to another level she probably despised. He had to see her. He pursed his lips in determination as a surge of courage coursed through his veins.

He tried relaxing his racing heart by formulating several apologies; each leaving him more flabbergasted than the previous one. He stomped his foot in despair at being so helpless.

“Calm down, Sameer. Everything will be fine.” He chanted to himself for the umpteenth time that morning. 

Heaving a sigh, he checked the time. 7:14 AM. Naina would be waiting for him by the main gate of Law Garden. He had requested and ultimately convinced her to accompany him to college today. However, little had he realized then that the romantic ride would become one filled with horror. Taking his car keys, he dashed out the main door of his house, fear glinting through his eyes and courage slowly diminishing from his heart.

The maroon Suzuki screeched to a sudden halt as he spotted her. A nervous smile swept across her face as she quickly settled on the passenger’s seat. Her fingers fidgeted dubiously and Naina’s lips twitched fervently, waiting for Sameer to end the silence. He took a moment to notice the mundane steering wheel in front of him before slowly shifting his gaze to her. Sameer gulped as he noticed her uneasiness. He took a deep breath and bent over towards her.

“Sameer…” She whispered in alarm as he quieted her. 

Pulling the seat belt, Sameer took a moment to delve into her orbs once again. Her light brown colored eyes reflected a wave of emotions; from happiness to curiosity to a glint of pain. Her breathing unevened and shortened, her hot breath tickling his neck. Instinctively, he let go of the seat belt and cupped her face in his cold, rough hands. Her skin was as smooth as silk and utterly delicate. He caressed her cheek with his thumb as she closed her eyes to feel each sensation his touch brought. One of his hands tangled itself in her smooth hair, removing the hair tie so that her hair fell in perfect curls, just how he liked it. Her lips curved into a knowing smile. She had purposely tied her hair just so that she could hear him whine in annoyance and feel his warm hands in her hair. Pushing a few strands that had dared to obstruct his view of her behind her ear, he noticed her flinch. She bit her lip in anxiousness as he groaned. Sameer tightened his grip on her to control the urge to bite those lips with his own.

“Not now, Naina. Please.” Her brows arched in cluelessness as he shut his eyes to take another deep breath. 

With regained focus, he pulled the seat belt over her and fastened it, passing a weak smile. Sameer frowned immediately, scrutinizing at the peach polo t-shirt Naina had worn.

“Naina, isn’t your top similar to what I--”

“Um, Sameer. Let’s go. Aren’t we getting late.” Naina interrupted with a sheepish grin on her face.

“Naina…” Sameer’s voice deepened with a sense of threat, foreshadowing rather grave consequences.

“Not now, Sameer. Please.” Naina repeated his words in plea. He agreed reluctantly for Sameer soon started the engine. She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. Naina knew Sameer had guessed, but she wanted to reveal her secret today. Confront him with courage and faith she had in him. 

Within a few minutes of utter silence, Naina’s brows furrowed at the detour.

“Sameer?” She looked at him. This wasn’t the route to college as far as she knew.

“Naina...I-um. I need to speak to you.” Sameer fumbled, constantly tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

“I know we might get late--”

“It’s okay, Sameer. College can wait; especially when we don’t have anything important first thing in the morning.” She curved her lips into an understanding smile, making Sameer wonder what he had done to deserve her. She fathomed him so well it was absolutely surreal. The way she noticed his hands fidget in apprehension, his grip on the steering wheel tightened in tension, him struggle to form sentences hinted something was wrong. Something that concerned her. Something that bothered him.

Sameer pulled over to a secluded part of Law Garden. The lush greens still dominated their view, with occasional wooden benches scattered all over the place. The only cause for commotion was the regular chirping of birds; it was too early for people to roam around. Naina looked around in suspicion and then eyed Sameer in confusion. He stepped out of the car without a word, waiting for her. She approached him with hesitant steps and he finally met her gaze. Naina’s heartbeat quickened as she feared the worst. Her mind castigated otherwise, pleading her to calm down. An unexpected thunder broke out, startling her and Sameer. He opened the car door and fished out two umbrellas.

Passing one to her, he spoke wryly, “The weather doesn’t look too bright to me.”

“Sameer, we can talk in college too--”

“No, Naina. It’s either now or never.” Naina noticed the urgency in his voice. She nodded and pulled the umbrella over her head at the silent drops of rain.

“Do you want to talk here?” Naina asked with a lingering smile on her face. Sameer looked around to realize they were still standing on the road adjacent to the lush greenery.

He pondered for a bit before resolving, “Yes. Who knows, maybe you might want to leave as soon as I..”

“Sameer, what’s wrong?” Naina touched his hand and clutched it in assurance.

He inhaled sharply before beginning, “Naina, you know how much of a melancholic rigmarole Delhi has been for me.”

“Sameer, you don’t have to discuss this if you--”

“I do, Naina. Please let me complete.” Sameer interrupted, a little annoyed. Naina nodded in affirmation, deciding not to defy him anymore.

“Despite mom’s love and Rohan and Deepika’s constant support, there were a few things that scarred me. In fact, just one thing that has now probably marred our love...because of me.”

It was difficult for Naina to maintain equanimity, for her heart raced furiously and her mind flashed thoughts of terrible possibilities. The raindrops continued to lash out, getting harder by the minute. It was unusual for Ahmedabad to burst out so vigorously. But then again, it was equally unusual for Sameer to behave so sinisterly too. 

“Your letters left me in tears and the purity of your love welled up in my heart. Unconditional. Irreplaceable. Complete.” Sameer turned around, facing his back to Naina.

“But I wanted more. I needed more. The group of so-called ‘friends’ I had were a bad influence. I started doing all sorts of things I never expected myself to do. I started watching movies that weren’t too decent.”

“Not too decent? What do you mean?” Naina’s brows furrowed in perplexion.

“Movies that have ratings, Naina. Movies that we don’t watch with our families.” Sameer admitted amidst stammers. It took a moment for realization to hit her, but as soon as it did, her eyes widened in horror.

“Sameer?” She shrieked in bewilderment. Never had she imagined him to…

’Don’t presume, Naina.’ She consoled herself.

 Sameer turned around, “I know. I know what I did was obnoxious. But I couldn’t help it, Naina. Curiosity got the worst of me. The way other boys gushed and laughed in a mysterious manner left me clueless. And my cluelessness left me frustrated. I wanted to be like them, just so that they could stop tittering at me. And that’s when I developed a strong urge to know more, to do more.”

Naina looked away and gulped. Somehow Sameer intimidated her today. He wasn’t the same anymore. He wasn’t the Sameer she knew.

And that’s when it pricked her, “Do more?”

Sameer bit his lip as his lips quivered, “Remember I told you about Amrita? She was the savior in my then heartless ‘family’ in Delhi. My first friend who connected me to you, all the time.” All Naina could do was nod in anticipation.

“On the night before I was to leave for Ahmedabad, she came over. To say goodbye. And then…”

“No.” Naina kept on chanting. She constantly shook her head, trying to calm the racing thoughts in her head. It couldn’t be possible. Sameer couldn’t...he couldn’t betray her.

Sameer hung his head in shame, “I got swayed, Naina.”

Her lips parted and her heart fell. Her head felt suddenly dizzy and she felt her whole body go numb. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t picture Sameer with someone else other than her. She couldn’t bear someone else claiming authority on him. On her Sameer.

“Did you two…” She managed to blurt, tears brimming in her eyes.

It didn’t take Sameer too long to understand her indication, “No, Naina. Of course we didn’t. I didn’t spend the entire night with her. I regained control, realized what I had been doing. I didn’t do anything that…”

Naina’s grasp on her umbrella tightened and her lips trembled. Her steps faltered. A lone tear escaped her eye, inviting a thousand more. She bit her lip to control her tears, all in vain. Sameer’s heart ached seeing her vulnerable. He held her hand and apologized, “I’m so sorry, Naina.”

She flinched at his touch and immediately jerked it away. Sameer hated to see her like this, but Naina hated herself more. She felt alone, useless, ashamed. Despite the commotion around her, she felt isolated from the world. Just the thought that Sameer needed someone else bombarded her mind and soul, chiding her each second. 

Naina shut her eyes in order to compose herself, wiped away the remaining tears and swallowed, “Can you please drop me to college?”

“Naina..” Sameer started but Naina intervened with her hand, “It’s okay. I’ll take an auto. Thank you so much though, Sameer Maheshwari.” Her stern voice startled him.

“Naina, please.” Sameer pleaded in front of deaf ears. Naina had already left, left him alone. He stomped his foot, scaring a few rocks on the road. Cursing to himself, he muttered, “What have I done?”

Sameer dashed through the college corridors only to find her engrossed in a lecture. He hid behind the classroom door, peeping in through the blinds. She barely wrote anything and she focused on the blackboard aimlessly. Her notebook was opened to a blank page that had secretly been absorbing her tears. Her eyes were swollen red and her lips tormented. She squeezed a crumpled tissue in her hand while her sniffs were audible only to herself. Her legs constantly tapped the floor, her denim long skirt wet from the tears that continued to pool in her eyes. Sameer looked away, unable to bear her vulnerable side. She was in pain, all because of him.

The two hour wait had finally ended, and Sameer straightened. He had to fix things, no matter what. Everyone rushed out boisterously at the sound of the dismissal bell, including the professor himself. Everyone but her. Sameer went inside to find her alone, slowly packing her things away. Without a word, he held her cold, numb arm and took her to an empty room right adjacent to this one. Latching the door, Sameer turned around only to find Naina looking everywhere else but him. She rubbed one arm over the other, her bag still hung on her shoulder.

“Why have you locked the door, Sameer? Do you plan on doing something similar…” Naina’s voice wavered. She was scared. Scared of this new Sameer. On the other hand, Sameer stood dumbfounded.

“Naina, how could you think I would do something like this...without your permission.” His voice reflected pain. The more he took steps towards her, the more she retreated.

Sameer stopped and sighed, “Please talk to me, Naina.” 

He was worried sick for her. Not only because of the way she had afflicted herself. But also because she looked pale, bereft of any color, just like his white turtleneck tee.

Silence continued to prevail, irking Sameer. “Won’t you say anything, Naina?” 

He tried taking her hands in his, only to find them ice cold and jerked away within seconds.

“What do you want to hear, Sameer? That the person whom I thought was mine, isn’t anymore?” Naina vented, tears streaming down her face. 

She threw her bag on the floor and started pacing to and fro.

“What do you expect me to feel, Sameer? How do you think I would feel when I find out that my man was busy with some other girl while I waited for him, longing for his presence?”

Naina took steps towards him and brushed her fingers down his brown waistcoat.

“She must’ve touched you here, right? And here?” She brought her fingers up to his face, smoothly rubbing his stubble.

“And she must’ve loved your touch, right Sameer?” Naina yanked her hand away and grimaced.

“You were mine, Sameer. You were mine. But you chose someone else.” She wept, taking steps away from him.

Sameer stopped her and held her by her shoulders, “I still am, Naina. I’m yours.” He tried to reassure.

Naina grew livid yet with a fear glinting through her voice, “Do you love...Amrita?”

Sameer cupped her face in his hands, “I only love you, Naina. What I had with Amrita was purely lust. I love you.” He repeated numerously, leaving Naina baffled.

She distanced herself from him, making Sameer’s hands slump back to his sides.

“Imagine me in your shoes, Sameer. What if I couldn’t control myself and spent a night--sorry, half a night-- with a male friend of mine. Imagine him touching each part of me, imagine me biting my nails into him, imagine me moaning in pleasure, imagine him groaning in desire, imagine--”

“Stop it, Naina.” His vicious voice echoed through the empty room while his hands fisted and anger surged through him.

Naina’s face wore a hysterical smirk as she neared him and whispered in his ears, “Exactly.”

By the time Sameer opened her eyes to say something in defence, she had left. Sameer heaved, slumping to the ground. He couldn’t imagine Naina with someone else, how could he expect her to accept his actions. Just the thought of someone else touching his Naina propelled him to do the worst. She was his. And only he had the right to come close to her. Sameer held his head in his hands, frustration and resentment dawning upon him. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t erase that night. He couldn’t erase the sin he had committed. He couldn’t erase the sight of her in tears, all because of him. He had hurt her, broken her trust. And now he had lost her forever. 

...

“Sameer Bhaiya?” Poonam Bhabhi shouted at the top of her lungs. She had been shaking him rigorously for the past ten minutes, but Sameer seemed to have been as still and cold as a statue. He finally came out of his trance and cleared his throat, “Huh?”

“Where were you lost, Sameer Bhaiya?” She frowned in concern.

“Nowhere at all...I’m fine. I’m sorry for troubling you.” Sameer managed to put words together, all the while straightening himself.

“Breakfast is ready, Sameer Bhaiya. Should I send it to your room?” She asked, a boisterous grin back on her face.

“Huh?” Sameer’s mind was elsewhere still while his stomach churned in misery and guilt. Guilt of doing something as heartless as this. That night flashed before him once again, leaving him in remorse. He had to rectify his mistakes. He had to face her. 

“Breakfast. Won’t you get late for college?” She repeated with worry visible on her face.

And that’s when everything fell back in place. He was still dressed in his white turtleneck paired with a brown waistcoat and jeans, car keys in his hands. And that’s when he checked the time.

7:14 AM.

And his breath hitched.