Quite unexpected...
“Sameer! Get up before we get suspended...again.” Munna retorted as I stirred in bed. Grabbing a pillow to cover my face from the chaos and the bright sun rays falling through the curtains, I muffled, “Let me sleep, Munna!”
I faintly heard shuffling steps before the brutal brightness of the room touched my face again.
“Munna!” I screamed in agony as he scoffed with my blanket in his hand. Shuffling through my hair out of habit, I stopped tersely and tousled it again. His look turned to sympathy before reverting back to his normal self. I crossed my hands over my chest and pursed my lips, “What’s the matter, Munna?”
“For your kind information, we are getting extremely late, like always. So hurry.” What started off as dripping sarcasm, Munna’s voice soon turned into an order. Groaning, I asked him about the time when he rooted me to the spot, “8 AM.”
“What?!” I shrieked, making him roll my eyes at me. “Why didn’t you wake me up earlier, Munna!”
He casted a sardonic expression before retorting, “What have I been trying to do for the past half an hour, Sameer Maheshwari?”
Muttering a few unintelligible curses under my breath, I dashed out of bed and picked up the first outfit I found in my wardrobe.
“I’ll be waiting for you outside!” Munna called out before closing the door of my room. Quickly wearing a red tee paired with sky blue pants and a casual jacket, I stuffed my feet into my white sneakers and scurried outside, not caring the slightest bit about my hair.
“Sameer, at least have something.” Poonam Bhabhi called out in plea yet again. I looked at her helplessly as I checked the time again.
“I’ll have something later, Bhabhi!” He scampered outside the door, missing breakfast yet again.
Pandit, who had impatiently been waiting outside, castigated me with his usual lectures on punctuality while I revved my bike.
“You guys wanna come along or should I leave?”
Reluctantly yet with lingering smiles on their faces, my best friends hopped behind my back as the motor roared to life. We stepped onto the highway where my bike swerved recklessly around the heaps of cars, just missing them by a second. In a few minutes I spotted a massive truck that rode beyond us, its wheels that gigantic that it could fit in at least one bike. I smirked and revved the motor once more as Munna and Pandit’s faces swarmed with worry.
“Sameer, not again!” Munna coerced.
“Yes, please Sameer. Don’t do this to us.” Pandit requested that sounded more like a plea.
My smirk just widened while I quoted philosophically, “What’s the point of life if not living each day as if it were the last?”
Holding my head up high so that the cool February breeze could touch my face, my uncontrollable hair danced frivolously. The light stubble tickled my skin as I closed my eyes for a second to feel the moment, to feel her. Jerking my eyes open immediately, I brushed aside thoughts and concentrated on my goal. Speeding the bike I shouted with a surge of adrenaline, “3,2,1, duck down!”
My best friends squeezed their eyes shut; Pandit clutched Munna’s shoulder while Munna did the same to me. My chortled as I titled the bike and screeched it on the road, under the truck. Smoothly, I traveled for five seconds before swiftly coming back up, roaring at the truck driver. Boisterously, I cheered with my hands raised up in the air while Munna cautioned for balance. I skidded the bike to a halt near the main gates as I heard two sighs in relief. Munna curbed around me as he tilted his head to one side and crossed his arms in anger, “What are you trying to prove, Sameer?”
I shrugged with pursed lips as I asked in cluelessness. Munna repeated rhetorically, “You don’t know?”
“Sameer. You’ve become so reckless. These aren’t adventures. These are attempts of suicide.” Munna confronted as silence prevailed. I stared at him for a long minute before my jaw tightened and I gulped, looking away. Pandit rested his hand on my shoulder and commiseratingly spoke, “You know she never liked--”
“Her likes don’t matter to me anymore.” I spat as my eyes blazed fire. Fisting my hands, I gritted my teeth as Munna retaliated, “Your words don’t seem to match your actions, Sameer.”
Without saying a word, I dashed past the main iron gates of VJN College. The 18th century English architecture reflected in the faded infrastructure of the main college building while the two rear additional buildings contrasted the colonial period with modern Indian architecture. A large ground lay in front of the main building, witnessing a roman clock that soon would ring at 9 AM. A few voiced chortled in the background but not louder than the deafening cackle echoing within me. My vision blurred for two seconds when tears threatened to pool. I gulped a breath and straightened in front of an isolated classroom.
No longer did children dressed in turquoise pants or pinafores flock around. No longer did the morning bell chime every morning. No longer did innocence fill the mundane chatters. No longer did steel lunches invite with their scrumptious aroma. No longer did exams jolted shivers, no longer did a female top in our class.
It had been three years, and no longer did I yearn for her sight.
Walking towards the benches that were no longer made of dark wood, I instinctively drew the one carving etched onto my heart on the corner of the bench. Her smile flooded my brain while her faint yet sweet smell still lingered in my senses. Her touch still left its magic and her breath still tickled my skin. Her giggles still resonated in my ears and her tears still pierced my heart.
She had left but her thoughts never left my soul. Why on Earth, Naina Agarwal?
She had turned out to be the roaring, shakening wind, replicating my name. Naina had crashed into me just like a strong gust of wind on the first day of Grade 11. And she had abandoned as abruptly as she came. She was like the pleasant breeze; that brought a smile on my face as soon as she touched my soul and spread happiness and tranquility within me, igniting cherishable memories. And soon she left, just like a breeze, eroding an infinitesimal yet a very special piece of my heart. She left with a defying silence that left me helplessly in havoc. She shattered every hope I saw, crushed every dream I had dared to dream, obliterated every desire that had erupted through my veins and succumbed every second I had assured of togetherness.
Naina Agarwal had crashed into an empty Sameer Maheshwari on an uneventful first day of Grade 11, filled his life with happiness and warmth and gust past him on the last day of the same year, leaving him with his hands spread out, clutching onto a broken future of togetherness he had dared to hope.
She was my biggest mistake, yet my sweetest memory.
Biting back tears, I drew in a sharp breath as soon as my hands shuffled into my pockets and rubbed against a ruffling sound. The sound was familiar and crisp and I felt my heart crush into pieces once again. Fishing out the old and crumpled piece of folded paper, unwanted memories flashed before my eyes once again, and the death of my happiness soon replayed gruntingly.
I stomped my foot in frustration and threw a pebble across the ground. The patience in me was slowly ticking and yet the sweet sound of her bicycle didn’t ring. Naina had always arrived half an hour before time in order to organize everything in its proper place. She was always before time except for the one morning I wanted her to. In extreme exasperation, I had asked Munna and Pandit for a few minutes of solitude. Partially because I didn’t want them to worry. Mainly because I wanted to spend some time with the girl I loved as we embarked on a new phase in life. My cheeks flushed in crimson as I revisited memories of last night, especially the confession. A strong surge of adrenaline rushed through me each time I admitted that I loved Naina. Endlessly. Irrevocably. Our pure, innocent love.
The unfamiliar jingle made me turn on my heel as I spotted only one girl riding on her cycle rather than two. And it wasn’t the girl whom I’d long to see.
As she neared, I noticed her tear stained face and head hung in despair.
“What’s wrong, Preeti? Is Naina okay?” I grew concerned while she silently handed me a neatly folded letter.
“I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to face you anymore. I’m really sorry, Sameer.” She apologized incessantly, alarming me more. The letter shivered in my grip as my jaw tightened. Fear replaced the sudden jolt of excitement in the pit of my stomach and I looked at the folded piece of paper warily. Dubiously opening it, I felt my throat dry up. Opening the letter I anticipated with an unnerving terror.
Dear Sameer Maheshwari,
I don’t want to beat around the bush, so I’ll keep it short and simple.
They say “As you sow, so shall you reap.” I’m afraid you never came across this proverb, or never took it seriously. For this is your share of the reap of brutality and fake love you had once sown.
You came, filled my life with utmost happiness and then shattered all the dreams I saw with you. How could you think I’d forgive you so easily? How could you think I’d let everything go? After all that you’ve done to me, how could you think I would love you back?
I did what you once did to me. Betrayal. Faked love. Faked promises. Faked brimming hope. Left you ostracized. Because after what you’ve done to me, I will never ever be able to love you. Endlessly. Unconditionally. Irrevocably. These words no longer associate with love to me. And they never will in the future.
Our story started with a bet and ended with one too. You had wagered your hair with your schoolmates and I wagered my self respect with myself. You had placed a bet on my love confession. I had too. And fortunately, it didn’t take as long to complete my bet as it did for yours. Experience, I’d credit, I guess.
We’ve had our share of sweet memories. Of school, of Mount. Abu, of my balcony; especially last night. If I were any more stupid in your love, I would definitely cling onto these for the rest of my life. But I guess happy endings only exist in fairytales.
I would still thank you for many reasons. For regaining my self-esteem, my confidence, my courage, my self-respect. For abandoning me so that I could meet Rohit, the person who brought me out of the deafening darkness my wounded heart had shoved me into. If not because of you, I would’ve never have overcome my depression, my despair.
I won’t ask you to take care of yourself for there is nothing more barbaric in this world than a betrayal from the one you love. Because this is what you deserve. Suffocating solitude.
Now that it’s all over, let’s not end on a bad note. The only emotion mutual between us is hatred, and I know it’ll remain the same for years to come.
How could you ever think that I….I love you?
Yours No longer yours,
Naina Agarwal.
A tear escaped my eye as I clutched the crumpled piece of paper. Despite the incessant sobs, that one letter had etched onto my heart, piercing each cell and barbarically killing the one thing I always listened to. It no longer beat for anyone nor did it evoke any emotion other than pain. My heart was just a mere organ, an unnecessary element that never allowed old wounds to heal.
My vision blurred behind the endless tears yet the reality remained clear in my mind. She was nothing but a curse in my life; who came like the wind and obliterated me defiantly. I punched the wall as I grunted, “Why Naina. Why after three years do you still affect me so much? Why do you still hurt me so much? Why do your words, your actions, your memories still haunt me? Why did you come into my life, Naina Agarwal!” Screaming, I slumped down against the wall with my head in my hands. Amidst sobs I grunted miserably, cursing myself under my breath. Even after all these years and harsh memories, I couldn’t build the courage to curse her. Naina’s serene face still swam in front of mine each time I thought of her, each time I tried to burn her from my life.
She was haunting nightmare I shuddered to. Yet never found the courage to erode.
Hastily wiping my face, I sniffed and scanned the place to make sure no one had seen my broken state once again. Composing myself I made way outside the isolated classroom to find a flock of college students swarming the corridors with their mundane chatters and irrelevant tensions. I set off to find Munna and Pandit before catching up with the nuisance of a girl I had compulsively pulled up a farce pretense for the past year.
Shoving past a few inconsiderate, ignorant students who chose to stuff their heads in their textbooks my feet picked up pace to find my best friends when I crashed into someone. A sweet fragrance filled my nostrils, as my breath shortened at the uncanny familiarity. Destiny seemed to have cackled in joy as a cool breeze gushed past me. Uninvited goosebumps reappeared as the girl’s hand brushed past through mine. Cladded in a maroon three-quarter sleeved casual long dress that had distinct pleats on the waistline, her sleek body seemed like a whizz amidst the vibrant crowd. I noticed a pair of round black glasses hanging on a slightly reddish nose. Her waist-length, flowy, silky black hair danced frivolously against my face as a soothing smell reached my nose. Instinctively, as if on urge, I clung onto her wrist as I felt her stiffen. Without turning, she ordered in a stern voice, “Excuse me, please leave my hand.”
“How can I when you were the one who left mine?” I gritted, anger seething through my voice.
She seemed to have shivered under my intense gaze as she struggled to free her hand, “Are you crazy? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stuttered.
“Who are you fooling, Naina Agarwal?” I rasped.
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