A happy ending after all?
My eyes jerked open as I sat upright. I shivered as my quick breaths echoed in my ears. My heart knew it was him, yet my mind feared the worst. It had taken a long time to accustom myself without him, and Sameer being the stubborn self, refused to budge. No matter how many times my mind coerced about Rohit being right, my heart knew Sameer would never betray. He was adamant, spoilt, short tempered and what not, but he wouldn’t hurt me--or anyone for that matter.
The most ostentatious feeling wasn’t befriending Rohit, nor being betrayed by him. But the feeling of loving Sameer despite his atrocities. No matter how much I reprimanded myself to hate him, I ended up loving him more. His innocent orbs that often reflected passion, melting me into a pool of love, the slight signs of stubble as he matured that I ached to feel, the silky smooth hair my fingers tickled to ruffle. His taut muscles that broadened his shoulders and reflected his veins. How much I had dreamt of traveling my hands across his arms, feeling every tingling sensation that would leave me aroused. Dreamt of him without a shirt, his bare torso creating a ruckus within me. At times I would jerk upright with sweat beads on my forehead, or feel my mouth dry at the hideous thoughts I wasn’t supposed to have. And yet the desire to imagine never diminished. He was utterly wrong, yet Sameer seemed so perfectly right. How could love leave someone so helpless yet wanting for more? How could an emotion evoked from the heart be so heartless? How could I fall for the same person over and over again, each time being deeper than ever before?
And right now, my heart knew he was downstairs, awaiting my presence despite my mind being at constant denial. Sameer’s tenacity left me appalled; he was still willing to try in spite of the constant taunts and insults. Was it his determination or his ego that drove him to extreme lengths; I wasn't sure. But he wasn’t going to relent, not by a long shot; I was certain.
The sound of ruffling alerted me as I broke out of my reverie I longed to forget. Dashing to the balcony, I peeped below to find Sameer Maheshwari with his best friend and savior; the wooden ladder. Flashes of memories flooded my mind, making my heart burn in misery. He looked up and flashed a sloppy smile before finding his balance. There was something uncanny in his gait but I couldn’t clearly tell.
“Naina Agarwal! How do you always manage to succumb me at your feet?” He scoffed with a hysterical laugh as I pursed my lips.
“What are you doing here, Sameer?” I spat blatantly.
“What I’ve been doing for the past...month? Asking for forgiveness.” Sarcasm dripped from his tone as anger swept across his face.
As he climbed another step I tried to stop him, “It’s pointless.”
“Yes it is. My existence is pointless. My apologies are pointless. My lo--” He left his sentence incomplete, searching my cold face for a sign of reaction.
“But what has left you so lifeless, Naina?” He swung and took another step as his hands clutched the ledge of the parapet. He leaned in and exhaled softly, his orbs darkening with each passing second.
That’s when my eyes widened in horror, “You’re drunk!”
The filthy smell filled my nostrils as I contorted unhappily while his silly smile widened to a grin, “Happy realization!”
His eyes looked drowsy and the stupid smile of his remained plastered on his face as he lifted his arms, ready to dance. He was on the verge of losing his balance when I caught hold of his shoulders, “Sameer!”
“Naina…” He breathed huskily as he leaned towards me again. I turned my face at the terrible smell of alcohol. After helping him in the balcony, I scampered into my room to make sure the door was locked. Seeing his senselessness, I had no doubt in his unreasonable actions and had to ensure the other family members remained oblivious to him and his tantrums. Thankfully Preeti was over at her friend’s place for a sleepover.
I rushed back outside to find him leaning dangerously against the parapet.
“Sameer!” I grabbed him and turned him around. “What on Earth are you doing?”
“Well, I thought how nice it would be for you to show me around.” He looked around and took steps towards my room. Flicking on the lights, Sameer took in his surroundings with utmost interest and inched towards my desk.
“So this is where you diligently studied...and wrote letters for me, right?” He threw whichever books came to hand until a brown one grabbed his attention.
“You write a diary?” His childlike curiosity reflected in his tone.
“Sameer, hand it back.” I ordered, extending my palm. He shook his head in denial and attempted to read the first few pages.
“Sameer, don’t you dare.” I threatened to which he guffawed.
“Oh Naina, I love dares. And bets. You should know that.”
“Give it back, Sameer! You shouldn’t read someone’s personal diary.” I retaliated, trying to reach out for the diary he had raised over his head.
“But hadn’t we promised we wouldn’t have any secrets between us?”
“That was when we were…” I left my sentence incomplete as realization dawned upon me. His face fell and expression turned grim as he completed painfully, “together.”
I looked away and my steps faltered, “You should leave, Sameer.”
He replied in anguish, “Why aren’t we together anymore, Naina?”
I took a moment to delve into the deep, dark orbs of his that made my heart soar with desire.
“Because you’re drunk. And you’ll regret this later.” I sighed and turned for the door when a familiar hand wrapped around my wrist, “There’s nothing that I’ve regretted more than losing you.”
Jerking me back he clasped my shoulders as he noticed a tear on my face. Dubiously wiping it with determined fingers, he cupped my face into his hands, the feeling so surreal to be true.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized, caressing my face with his thumb. I shook my head softly as I confessed, “It’s not you, Sameer. It’s us. We never worked out. And we never will.”
Dejectedly yet with newfound courage he assured, “We will, Naina. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises that are meant to be broken.” My voice broke as his grip on me loosened. His steps faltered as his arms dropped back to his sides.
“Our memories never leave us, do they?” My expression turned grim, reflecting his reaction.
“Are you mad at me, Naina?” He asked ostentatiously with pursed lips and raised eyebrows. One look and I felt myself melting under his charm. Composing myself I responded imperviously, “ Why would I be?”
“Because I broke your trust--” He began when I interrupted.
“You haven’t broken my trust, Sameer. If you would’ve, we wouldn’t have been sitting here together.” I explained, looking at the stars spread across the sky in Mount Abu, filling the atmosphere with tranquility. The breeze was rather chilly and the other students had retired to their rooms, leaving Sameer in I in complete silence and solitude; with each other’s comforting company.
“You’ve just done something I hadn’t...expected from you.” I completed, ransacking my head for a suitable and inoffensive word.
“Munna and Pandit had forced me into…” He began when I intervened once again.
Meeting his gaze I spoke sternly, “You must have control over your decisions. Friends shouldn’t be so influential that you lose control over yourself.”
“Friends are people you sacrifice your life for. And this belief of mine will never waver to change.”
A long moment of silence prevailed where both of us looked at the ground beneath us. After a few seconds of guilt and anguish at being dominating, I apologized, “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
He took a moment to find the right words, “You aren’t wrong, Naina. Just very different from me.”
I smiled at his justification, swaying my legs back and forth with my hands clutching the bench. With a distance of a few centimeters between us, a strong urge within me developed to reduce it. Clearing my throat I looked away, my cheeks flushed with the color he would smirk at.
“Well, I guess you couldn’t use the same justification for your actions, tonight.” I resumed our topic of discussion.
“I know. That was downright wrong for me to do. I shouldn’t have planned to drink tonight.”
“Or any other night.” I added tersely as his lips curved.
“How are you so…” He searched for a word when I completed, “Disciplined?”
He nodded, waiting for my answer. I took a deep breath while I pondered. “What’s the point of defying your moral values when you know what you’re doing is deeply wrong. What remains is regret and guilt, both of which I do not prefer.”
“But don’t you ever develop a fascination for things that are restricted for you? An excitement to experience them?”
“Not alcohol, particularly.” I said succinctly as he let out a giggle.
“Why?” He asked, his voice filled with curiosity.
“I don’t want to lose control over myself, unless I am with someone trustworthy enough to take care of me.” I looked up at him as his gaze met mine. I had unknowingly promised him of a future unknown to the both of us while his smile lingered, welling my heart in ecstacy.
“I promise I’ll touch alcohol only with you. Because you’re the only one who has the tenacity to tolerate me with utmost care.”
Our eyes glistened with brimming tears as he broke the silence, “I didn’t break my promise, Naina.”
I looked away only to find him reducing the proximity by cupping my face again, “I remained true to my word, Naina. I tasted alcohol with you around, because of you. Because you are the only one who can take care of me.” He rubbed his thumb on my cheek, slowly melting me into a pool of churning emotions.
“You broke a bigger promise, Sameer. A promise that broke all the other promises. You broke the future I saw; shattered it to pieces.” Tears flowed down as I sniffed, closing my eyes to hide my vulnerability.
“Please forgive me, Naina.” His voice broke as he touched his forehead to hers.
“Everyone deserves a second chance, why can’t we?” He tried to coerce.
“Because a broken trust takes a lifetime to heal, Sameer.” I confessed, with wet tears yet a dried tone.
“I wouldn’t have been here if you didn’t trust me.” His words left me speechless and I gulped, trying to think of a retaliation.
“You’re drunk, Sameer. Go home.” I ordered nonchalantly, turning away from him. Within a split of a second, he grasped my wrist and pinned me to the nearest wall, his warm breath mixing with my trembling one.
“I am drunk but the world seems hazy to you, Naina. I am drunk yet you seem intoxicated. I am drunk and it feels like you’ve lost control over yourself.” He gritted his teeth, his patience seething in the form of anger. “Why are you so reluctant?”
“Why are you so adamant?”
“Because no one ever had the courage to look me in the eye and openly challenge me, dare to change me. Because no one wanted to understand the hidden Sameer behind the spoilt Sameer Maheshwari. Because I wasn’t anyone’s first thought and every dream. Because no one set my heart on fire. Because no one cared for me more than my own. Because no one sheltered me whenever I found myself lost. Because no one loved me unconditionally. No one but you. Only you, Naina. And I feel nothing but love for the girl who dared to love an unwanted person like me.”
The tears that had started off as slow, irregular ones changed to bitter, uncontrollable ones as my heart soared in happiness. At the confession I badly wanted to hear. I weeped and bit my lip to control the tears while my face broke into a smile.
“Losing you is the worst nightmare I’ve ever dreamt and the only reality I don’t want to wake up to. So please come back, Naina.” He wept while constantly wiping my tears.
“Please forgive me.” He plead as he slumped to the ground. I rushed to his side, holding his face in my hands just as he had a few second ago. Caressing his face I whispered, “How can I stay mad at the one I love the most?” His gaze shot up to mine as I rubbed his hands commiseratingly. A slow grin swept across his face as I said the words we both had longed to hear, “I love you.”
He pushed the strand of hair in front of my face behind my ear as he reciprocated, “I love you too.”
He leaned in and lightly kissed my forehead, the touch of his lips on my skin sending shivers down my back. Our foreheads touched as a smile crept onto both our faces.
Half an hour later, Sameer’s head lay on my lap while my hands ruffled through his head. It felt heavenly soothing, a feeling I never wanted to obliterate. His hands constantly clutched one hand of mine as he drew slow circles.
“Sameer, how were you so sure Rohit and I--”
“Never join the brat’s name with yours.” His jaw tightened as he gritted. “Moreover, I knew he would never get my Naina.” His voice reflected childlike innocence and I realized the intensification of the effects of alcohol. However, that didn’t stop my heart from yelping in excitement.
“How were you so sure, though?”
“Because you guys were bound to have a relationship filled with anger...whereas we would have a lifetime of togetherness.” He fished a crumpled piece of paper with FLAMES written and crossed out according to our names. I chortled at his cute antics before clutching his hands in assurance once again.
“I’ll always treasure this piece of paper.” I promised.
His words became more incoherent, slurred as the effects of alcohol took over. However, he relaxed and felt at peace; I could tell from the soft breaths he exhaled.
“Sameer...it’s about time you leave.” I whispered into his ear, slowly caressing his stubble.
“I will never leave you, Naina.” He promised with genuity reflecting in his eyes.
I smiled meaningfully before ushering him, “Someone might spot you. It’s best you leave at this hour of the night. But wait, don’t drive the bike. You’re drunk.” I cautioned.
He pursed his lips and tossed his head in giggles, “Don’t worry. I’ve a lot of experience.”
At my austere gaze he clarified, “At driving.”
I gave in to his laughs before he got up and stretched his arms. Flexing his hands and shuffling his hair, he winked at me before bading goodbye, “I can’t wait for this night to end and morning to come.” He groaned, referring to school tomorrow.
“And I don’t want this night to end.” I murmured before grinning widely at him. He clutched my hands into his and I allowed him to hold onto mine for longer. Everything was perfect. The moment, the hold, him, us.
Jumping over the parapet and scrupulously climbing down the ladder amidst my constant words of caution, he made his way towards his bike with better balance than before.
A lone tear escaped my eye as I saw his retreating figure. It was painful to love him. It was more painful to hate him. But it was unbearable to see him go; even if it was a matter of a couple of hours. I heaved a breath and sighed as he revved the engine.
My heart longed for him to turn and flash his smirk. But he didn’t turn back.
And neither did I wipe my tear.
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