When the story begins with regrets...
A twenty-one-year-old woman clutched the ends of the countertop; her shoulders hunched, and her lips parted in a shaky breath. She slowly lifted her gaze to meet her reflection in the mirror, watching it replicate her imbalanced mental state. An ethnic silver band on her wrist clanked against the washbasin as she turned the tap off, and her eyes investigated for any unwanted presence. Much to her relief, every brown doored cubicle behind her was empty.
Taking a deep breath, she brushed the invisible creases off her black pencil skirt that skidded just below her knees. She then rolled the sleeves to her faded turquoise shirt to her elbows. The front of her hair was twisted into braids, unfurling the rest of her jet-black locks down to the small of her back. She’d worn hoops on her ears and black pumps to match the bold fashion trend she loved.
And yet, a tear slipped past her kohled eye, meeting the oxidized nose ring before marring her cheek.
She shut her eyes. She knew it wouldn’t be easy. She had been warned about every challenge that one decision brought to her. Every wound she pierced herself with, she had been given two months to heal.
But it wasn’t enough. When it came to him, nothing was ever enough.
“Umaira?” She turned her head at the familiar voice. The woman who emerged through the door of the women’s washroom wore a peach-colored cotton dress, her brown hair meticulously braided to one side. Her right wrist tinkled with bracelets dangling with various charms, a simple wristwatch on her left wrist. Her brows arched in worry at seeing her best friend’s condition.
“Are you okay?”
“Of course, I am, Riya. There’s nothing wrong.” Umaira lifted her shoulders in a callous shrug.
Riya Singh walked up to her best friend, taking one hand in hers. “You don’t have to pretend in front of me.”
A lump formed in her throat, but she swallowed. “I’m not pretending. I was only freshening up before heading over to the airport to pick up a colleague.”
Her nonchalant tone could not convince Riya. “Freshening up or hiding these tears?”
“Why would I cry? It’s not like I’m reuniting with an ex..” Umaira invariably trembled at the words that rushed past her.
“I can talk to our boss, Umaira. We could send someone else and you--”
“It’s nothing I can’t handle, Riya.” Umaira argued fiercely.
“But--”
“He’s just a senior colleague, nothing more.” Umaira turned to face the mirror once more, busying herself in fixing her already prim shirt.
“You fell in love with him, Umaira.” The bluntness of Riya’s tone startled her. It was a tone she rarely used.
Nevertheless, Umaira was quick to scoff. “Love? Please, Riya. It was purely infatuation, nothing more. After all, he is the infamous womanizer at work.” Umaira finished with an edge of bitterness as she shuffled with the silver bangle on her wrist.
“Yeah, cause that explains why you’ve still kept this kada.” Riya raised her voice, pointing at the silver bangle around her wrist.
“How does it matter? We’ve both moved on, Riya.” Umaira lashed out with equal fervor.
“No.” Her best friend retreated with cynicism.
“You’re still where you were two months ago. And he doesn’t even realize what he’s moved on from.”
----------
The security guard at the entrance of the four-storied brownstone building, ‘The Amritsar Reporter’, shuddered with wide eyes. He knew better than to initiate small talk when he saw a fuming Umaira Raza stomp out. She stepped into the SUV, revved the engine, and sped in the direction of Sri Guru Ram Das Ji International Airport.
To say that Umaira was angry was an understatement.
She didn’t want to fight with her best friend, but she was furious. Furious at Riya for reminding her of days she wished to forget. She was furious at the man who caused her this misery when he abandoned her on a two-month reporting assignment. But most of all, she was furious at herself. For not being able to forget the man, for not being able to hate him. Tears began to prick her eyes once again, but she bit them back. She wasn’t going to succumb to something that didn’t matter to her.
Umaira Raza was not weak.
And so, she devised a plan. She would keep physical contact to a minimum. She wouldn’t entertain personal questions, about her family or his, about food cravings and new movie releases. They’d talk about work if necessary, but nothing more.
With newfound determination, she parked in one of the allocated spots before turning off the engine. She could do this; she could cordially face him. With a deep breath, she stepped out and made her way to the Arrivals gate. Each tap of her heel added tenacity to her gait, and she held her head high in confidence. Umaira stood by the railings, preparing a formal welcome speech in her mind. She’d ask safe questions like how the reporting mission turned out and whether he encountered any difficulties. That should be enough of a conversation on their way back to the car. And then she’d turn on the radio to fill in the silence. Perfect. She was ready.
Until she wasn’t. For there he was.
Goosebumps erupted on the skin of her forearm, and her lips parted in a breathless sigh. Anticipation overpowered every other emotion, and she was suddenly floundered with joy. Two months of unknown longing had finally reached its end. A smile helplessly made its way across her lips as her gaze breached past the sliding doors ahead of her. Her breath hitched.
With faded denim jeans and a crisp dark orange linen shirt, the first two buttons open, there he stood, hiding behind his signature black jacket. His hair tousled to one side, his stubble a little more profound against his tanned skin. A pair of aviator sunglasses hung on the bridge of his nose despite it being a little after sunset. Typical.
He spotted her just as she was trying to calm her frazzled nerves and erratic heart. A jubilant smile etched onto his face, his dimples winking at her, his white teeth on display as he ran towards her, his suitcase dragging along. She wasn’t given a single moment to process the surge of emotion when he engulfed her in a tight hug. Her fingers hesitated for a whole three seconds before Umaira wrapped them around his torso, feeling every muscle with unmatched nervousness. An attack of something woody and musky and uniquely him filled her senses. Her soul finally found its home as her lips inevitably curved upwards. Hiding her face in the crook of his shoulder, she held onto the proximity for another few seconds. Then she realized.
She had to be wiser than this.
Umaira pulled back suddenly and cleared her throat. Confusion passed his face before settling on a simple grin.
“Welcome back, Ved Sehgal.” His name uttered from her lips for the first time in two months.
His smile widened, oblivious to the emotional turmoil in her heart. “How have you been, Umaira Raza?”
His annoying habit of calling her by her full name hadn’t deterred.
She gave a slight nod. “Good.”
“I’m happy about that.” When she raised an eyebrow in question, he explained, “you were oddly disturbed by your friend’s tragic one-sided love story when I left. And we haven’t spoken since.”
She gulped in realization. “It’s not odd. Friends tend to feel each other’s pain.”
“I thought Riya was your best friend.”
“Yeah, so?”
“You never told me about this anonymous friend of yours,” he pressed.
She dodged the hint, “I don’t tell you everything, Ved.”
“Correction. You don’t anymore.” His eyes bored into hers, his head hovering over hers. The intensity of their stare made her uncomfortable.
She swallowed, “I think we should leave. You’ve got to report to your boss, and I’ve got more pressing issues to attend to.”
She turned on her heel, expecting him to take her lead. What she hadn’t expected was his hand around her wrist, stopping her from moving any further. She felt her skin sizzle beneath his touch as she tried her hardest to compose herself.
“Wait, I forgot to introduce you to someone.”
Umaira had barely turned to face him when he turned his head in the direction of a slender girl, much like a model. Her chestnut hair bobbed with every step, and she walked as if running up a ramp walk. On her arm hung a designer handbag that perfectly went with her sleeveless top and skirt.
“This is Trisha, my girlfriend.”
And the world stopped.
Umaira stood rooted in her spot, breathlessly heaving in this piece of information. Trisha fluttered her fake eyelashes at her before pecking her boyfriend on the cheek. He leaned in to take things further and Umaira looked away, feeling out of place. Her cheeks burned and her hands fisted into balls. Something crumbled within her. Her insides shivered with agony, riling up with burning rage. And yet her mouth went dry and she struggled to breathe.
She needed to get out.
“Nice to meet you, Trisha. I’m Umaira Raza.” She reached out for a formal handshake; a similar fake smile plastered onto her face.
She then turned to her colleague, “I really think we should head back.”
“Yeah sure, let’s go.” It’s when he placed his hand on his girlfriend’s waist that it clicked.
“She’s coming with us?!” Umaira hadn’t intended to shriek.
Ved shrugged, passing an obvious look between them, “She’s with me, where else would she go?”
“I’m not your driver. And this is a company car, not for personal rides.” She snapped.
Ved moved forward, blocking Trisha’s view. “What the hell, Umaira? Why are you being this way?” He gritted through his teeth.
“I was told to pick up my senior colleague, not his random girlfriend as well.” She fumed back in hushed tones.
“How does that even matter? We’re friends, Umaira!”
“It matters to me, Ved. And had you been my friend, it would have mattered to you too!” She watched his expression change into a suspicious frown and grimaced. She was losing her temper. But before he could question or retaliate in response, Trisha intervened.
“Ved, it’s okay.” She brought one arm to his shoulder, as if marking her territory on him. Umaira’s death stare went unnoticed. She looked away.
“I’ll just take a cab to your house and see you once you’re done for the day.” She whispered something else in his ear that made him chuckle before wrapping his arm around her waist in response.
Unable to stand their public display of affection any longer, Umaira walked back to the car, stepped into the driver’s seat and turned the volume of the music player to a maximum. The beats of whatever song was playing did nothing to calm her nerves. Instead, it made her imagine all the things Ved might be talking to Trisha about. It took another three minutes and thirty-eight seconds; yes, she counted, for him to return. He loaded his luggage and occupied the seat next to hers. Without a word, she ignited the engine and started driving.
Five minutes later, she spat, annoyed. “Stop staring at me like that.”
“I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with you.” He perched one elbow against the window.
“I’m absolutely fine.”
He caught onto it. “Lies. If you were fine, you wouldn’t have acted the way you did with Trisha.”
Umaira gripped onto the steering wheel. “I don’t find anything wrong in it.”
“Did you not like her?” Ved asked.
“I didn’t know you were bringing home a girlfriend.”
“I thought we weren’t sharing everything with each other anymore.”
She cast a glare in his direction. “What is this, revenge?”
He instantly softened. “No. I just-I didn’t get the time, okay?”
“Really?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm. “Or were you too busy deciding how long she’ll be in for? A week, two weeks? You generally get bored after that, don’t you?”
“For God’s sake, what’s with you, Umaira?!” He twisted his fingers through his hair in frustration.
“Nothing.” She murmured.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Did something happen at work?”
“No.”
“Did someone say something to you?”
“No.”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No.”
“Did you have lunch?”
“What?”
“You generally get grumpy without food.” He shrugged innocently and her heart melted a little.
“I’m fine, Ved.”
“No, you’re not! Something is going on in that head of yours that you’re unwilling to share. What’s wrong?” He repeated, irking her further.
Umaira pulled onto the brakes, jerking the car to an immediate stop at the curve of the road. She shut her eyes, thinking of ways to put a halt to his interrogation session as she heard the stream of cars honk past her. But how could she blame him for something he hadn’t even realized?
“Look Ved, everything is fine. Nothing is wrong.”
“Why am I not convinced?” He shifted in his seat to face her.
Diverting her attention outside the window, she tried to come up with a reasonable explanation, all the while trying to put a stop to her blurring vision. Her efforts went in vain.
“Umaira?”
“Why do you care, Ved?” She lashed out loud, flailing her arms around.
A moment of silence stifled between them and Umaira started regretting her outburst. It wasn’t Ved’s fault that she riled up so easily. He couldn’t be blamed for not reciprocating her feelings.
His face contorted into disbelief, “Are you seriously asking me that?”
When she refused to answer, he continued. “I care because you’re my best friend, Umaira! You’re the one who started avoiding me a week before I left. You’re still pushing me away and I hate not knowing what’s hurting you so much!”
She sat astounded at his confession. Guilt lurked deep into the pit of her stomach. Umaira had been so engrossed in coping up with her miseries that she had forgotten how oblivious Ved was. How much he valued the very friendship she now wanted to ignore.
“I’m not hurt.” She meekly rebutted, tearing her gaze away from him.
“Try saying that while looking me in the eye.” When she couldn’t, he waved a hand around to prove his point, “See? I don’t know what’s wrong between us, but I want to. Because right now, it feels like you even hate to have me around.”
“Ved,” she tried to rummage for an excuse.
But after working with her for six months, he knew her too well. “Only the truth, Umaira.”
It was when he honed his gaze on her with such generous intensity that she lost the ability to stick to her lies. Just like she had two months ago.
“Okay fine, you got me. I’m really tired and so done with all this work,” Umaira sighed in exhaustion one night. While the entire staff had emptied their workplace, she still sat with a pending workload at ten in the night.
Ved, who had only returned to his spot about five minutes ago, swiveled the back of her chair and scooted towards hers.
With their desks just across one another, this had become their usual tactic of talking to each other. Or, as in most cases, distracting each other from work.
“Told you so. This sincere and dedicated employee personality doesn’t suit you.” He received a playful smack on the arm in response. Once their chuckles quietened, he asked. “Why don’t you take a break?”
“I can’t afford a break; I’ve got too much to do.”
“Why don’t you ask the boss to halve your workload?”
She mocked his question before reminding him. “You’ve got a secured position as a senior reporter. They love you. I need to affirm my position in this firm and the kind of attitude you’re suggesting…” she pushed her finger into his chest, before whispering up to him, “...is not helpful.”
He held onto her finger, and her heart began to thump in her chest as she unknowingly fluttered her eyelashes.
“Why don’t you take a break from your part-time ballet job?” He pointed out.
Ever since she found out about a dance academy on the other side of the city a few months ago willing to diversify to different dance styles, she had decided to balance work and passion together. It wasn’t an easy task, to say the least.
“What would you say if I said the same about your hockey coaching job?” She smirked and he brought one hand to the back of his neck in a sheepish fashion.
Ved had been a fan of the sport for as long as he could remember. While he couldn’t turn it into his career, he found another way to pursue his passion by tutoring the local kids. Umaira and Ved could only manage to teach at night, thrice a week. So, they’d eventually started sharing rides, dinners and a lot more incidents with one another. Managing the workload had gotten more difficult and an eight-hour sleep had become a distant dream. But the joy in following their passion and the contentment they felt at the end of the day was worth every hurdle.
“I’m sure you can take a thirty-minute break at least.” He proposed again.
She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “What exactly do you have in mind?”
“The guys have arranged a bonfire outside. We’re playing truth or dare.” His eyes glinted with excitement.
To celebrate the end another exhausting month, colleagues at work had collectively come up with an idea of a bonfire after working hours. When their creativity ran out ‘Truth or Dare’ was the only group game they could think of.
“Interesting.” She chuckled at the offer as she debated her options.
“What’s taking you so long? Afraid?”
That one word pulled her out of thought. She tugged on his collar in a challenging manner, bringing them closer than she’d only ever imagined. A smirk played on his lips as she answered, “Umaira Raza is never afraid.”
“So, you’re up for it?” He raised one brow, extending one hand out to her.
She placed her hand in his warm yet rough palm, “You’re on.”
----------
Although their workplace was situated in one of the prime financial complexes of the city; crowded by similar commercial buildings, there was an empty barren ground on the rear side of their building. The larger than average expanse of land was amidst a foliage, giving them a relieved sense of fresh air from the otherwise industrial pollution. The minute Umaira made her way to the ground behind their office building, she heard an eruption of cheers from the rest of their team. She soon recognized the applause to be directed towards her colleague and found Ved with a boisterous smile. Umaira connected the dots.
“Was this all a dare?” She shook her head in disbelief.
“Abir is to be blamed for this.” Ved pointed ahead, where her other senior colleague chortled, flashing his teeth behind his pencil styled moustache.
“You all are impossible!” Umaira chided with a roll of eyes.
“We just can’t stay without you, Umaira!” Abir Jain chanted as she made her way to the circle around the bonfire. She occupied the spot beside Riya. Ved followed suit, sitting next to Abir and diagonal to the girls.
There were fifteen of them at their workplace, junior and senior reporters and journalists. While they all shared a friendly bond, Umaira, Riya, Ved and Abir had developed a closer bond with each other. Umaira and Riya were junior reporters, Ved and Abir had been in the company for longer; thus, held senior reporter positions.
The game resumed, and Umaira’s turn came soon enough. With the ongoing physical and mental exertion, she decided to go for the truth. Sat across the bonfire, Rajat asked a question she had least anticipated, “Are you and Ved ever gonna admit you’re dating?”
Umaira drew in a breath and immediately looked to her left for guidance, from the one person who knew her deepest secret. Riya’s brows arched in concern, but her eyes held a tinge of hope, and a silent smile made its way on her face. Umaira shied away in an instant, unable to hide the color tainting her cheeks. She could no longer deny the truth her best friend pointed out repeatedly.
Umaira liked Ved.
She liked him a lot, perhaps had fallen in love with him too. She realized it when just one look began to stir something inside her. She noticed it when his annoying habits started to seem rather adorable. When his absence made her heart yearn. She felt it when his defeats saddened her, when his happiness radiated through her as well. He wasn’t just a handsome colleague that attracted the attention of the entire female population. He was so much more, meant so much more to her.
She had admitted to herself but couldn’t find the courage to tell him. For the first time she felt at a loss for words. For the first time, she felt unusually coy around him. Maybe this was the perfect chance to hint at her feelings. If he knew of her feelings for him, Ved might be more open to sharing his own. Men were like that; always hiding from feelings of love.
Her heart jittery and fingers trembling, Umaira had finally mustered the courage to answer Rajat’s question, when she heard a familiar series of laughs. It turned out to be Ved and unwanted dejection flooded her insides.
“Dude Rajat, what kinda stupid question is this?” He placed his can of beer to one side amidst his chuckles.
Umaira’s smile slackened. Did he not feel what she felt for him? It’s when she reminded herself; perhaps this was just his defense mechanism kicking in. Perhaps he wanted to share his feelings with her first before announcing it to the entire world.
“Why don’t we let Umaira answer?” Rajat defended with a playful grin as his gaze shifted to Umaira again.
Before she could say anything, Ved stopped her chain of thoughts. “Bro, Umaira is like a sister to me! No way can we ever be dating?!”
Her heart instantly squeezed, and she shut her eyes to avoid any embarrassment. Her soul burned from a fire that pierced through her skin and howled in her ears. His words echoed in her ears like a never-ending rigmarole.
How could she have been so foolish to misunderstand his gestures? How could she have interpreted his care and attention for love? How could she have fallen for someone who would never look at her as more than a friend, or worse, more than a sister? Umaira shuddered at the thought, somewhat disgusted at herself that she mistook a relationship so pure for something else. She scolded herself for giving in to her heart’s wishes, for falling for the one guy who’d never see her the same way.
She felt Riya’s hand clutch her own in consolation. Only, the gesture made her want to cry even more. But Umaira couldn’t. She had to be strong for herself.
So, she opened her eyes to reality, prepared to ridicule Rajat for his absurd question. “Exactly what I was about to say! Rajat, you overthink too much!” Her tone wavered no matter how hard Umaira tried, and she looked away to hide her unraveling emotions.
Her eyes pooled with an emotion she wanted to part with, while her heart clenched in the first signs of heartbreak. It’s when she caught Abir’s gaze on her, that a look of fear crossed her features.
He knew, she realized.
His eyes had widened in sympathy, and lips had parted to call out to his best friend. Umaira shook her head in a terse motion, her lips curving inwards as she stopped the tears from falling. Ved couldn’t know what a fool she had made of herself for wanting anything more than friendship. Abir wanted to interject, but one pleading look from Riya made him slump against his resolve.
When Ved looked at Umaira and spotted the faint remnants of tears, he grew concerned. Their eyes met and he raised his brows, asking if she was alright. She simply nodded, plastering a smile on her face while her soul crumbled. And yet, something in his heart ticked, alerting Ved that she was hiding something.
He couldn’t brush off the feeling that something bad had happened. Something that was about to steal his closest friend away. And at that moment, he was ready to do anything to stop the damage.
If only he knew the truth.
“You told him?” Riya asked with urgency as she pulled her best friend to a secluded corner of their office. Their heated dispute was forgotten the moment Riya saw a distraught Umaira approach her desk again.
Umaira lowered her lids. “He asked for the truth,” she reiterated the argument she had with Ved on their way back.
Riya pointed out. “You’ve never been able to lie to him.”
“So I hid the truth,” Umaira spoke in a bitter tone. “I dodged the question. It’s best for us to stay professional with each other.”
Riya tilted her head to one side in empathy. “You two were so close,”
“And yet not close enough. We’ll never be that close ever again.” Umaira leaned against the wall.
“You don’t know that for sure--”
“But I do, Riya! He has a girlfriend!” She burst out, a tear slipping down her cheek.
“She’s perfect. The kind of girl every guy wishes for. He was so enchanted by her, and I felt like a fool! I felt like I didn’t belong in his life anymore,” her voice cracked.
Riya wrapped her arm around her best friend and Umaira leaned into her hug, “I was so stupid to even think I had a future with Ved.”
“You weren’t stupid, Umaira. You were in love.” Riya’s eyes glistened with compassion.
“I don’t know how I thought Ved and I could...we’re too different from each other for love to survive.” Umaira clung onto Riya’s arm as she slumped to the floor.
Their biggest difference was in their names. No matter how far society had progressed, a Hindu-Muslim relationship was still something people were wary of, for more reasons than one. It wasn’t just a difference in lifestyle preferences, but a difference in belief systems and rituals. A difference in thought. No matter how long these two communities had belonged in the same country, several Muslims were still oppressed as the minority. Some people: such as her mother, still believed in fighting for their rights. Someone as delusional as her older brother was ready to go to any extent to prove their importance in society as an act of patriotism. Friendship may have been a harmonious territory. Anything more was simply not accepted amidst this ongoing battle for dominance.
Plus, he didn’t love her, no matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise.
Umaira shook her head in determination, “I need to get out of this place, Riya. I can’t loathe myself any longer. He moved on, and it’s time I do too.”
When she retreated to face her best friend, Riya asked. “What do you want to do?”
“I want to find love. In someone who isn’t Ved Sehgal.”
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