Dreams shattered amidst interrogations
I tormented myself for being so weak, so vulnerable. No matter how much I hated him, it still stung my heart to see him like this. I noticed his untreated bruises on his hand; probably caused by his anger.
His sudden glimpse had surprised me. He, himself had cleared all doubts of hope, then why was he here? I slowly tiptoed myself to the front of the telephone booth, centimeters away from the boy I had fallen in love with. My gaze shifted from his desperate stare to his bruised hand as anger converted to hurt. Sameer might have sensed for he swiftly hid his hand behind his back. I pursed my lips and gestured him to extend his hand.
“What?” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I signaled at his bruises once more.
“Naina, I’m fine--”
“Just show me your hand, Sameer!” I bellowed, slightly louder than I had wanted. After a quick precautionary scan through the eerie silence of our colony, I looked back at him. Here I was, with a boy my heart and mind were at constant battle over, trying to treat his wounds at midnight.
Fishing out a medical aid kit, I slowly wiped his wounds with antiseptic. He hissed in pain as I flinched simultaneously. We shared a gaze as a plethora of memories revived. Why Sameer? Why are you doing this?
I abruptly broke my trance and focused on his hand. Lightly blowing on it, I wrapped his hand in bandage, carefully avoiding any physical contact.
“Thank y--”
“No.” I interrupted once more, this time more firm.
“Just because I’ve been wounded doesn’t mean I turn heartless towards everyone. That’s not me.” My words seemed to have pricked him, for he looked away in shame.
“Are you done? Can I go now?” I turned to leave without waiting for his response. But before I could take a step away from him my breath hitched. His fingers slithered around my wrist, its effects sending shivers down my back. His hands were warm against my ice cold ones. Yet it seemed so perfect. As if my hands belonged there. As soon as I began feeling the sensations, my mind alerted me and I jerked my hand away from his grip.
“Don’t you dare touch me, Sameer Maheshwari!” I gritted through my teeth, rage evident in my voice.
“S-sorry, Naina…” He apologized guiltily, holding his ears in despair. Despite the hatred for him, I couldn’t help but adore his cuteness. However, my lips that were used to curve into a smile at this gesture of his, resolved to a firm straight line.
“What do you want, Sameer? Aren’t you happy? You won your bet, you left me in tears, what more do you want?” I sighed exasperatedly, too tired to fight with him.
“Forgiveness...an apology, Naina…” He spoke softly, hesitating before every word.
“Apologies are requested, Sameer, not demanded or forced.”
“Naina, I--”
“And I can’t forgive you, Sameer….not until I forgive myself for blindly trusting you.” A lone tear escaped my eyes, inviting a thousand more. I turned my back towards him, not wanting to show my vulnerability.
The feeling of melancholy intensified, “I presumed you to be the ray of hope in my life, Sameer. But little did I know that this was just a disguise for a blanket of darkness. Utmost darkness.”
“How can I--”
“You can’t Sameer, you can’t. Some wounds can’t be healed, no matter how much you treat it.” I persisted pessimistically.
“No, Naina. Some wounds just need time and patience rather than treatment. And I’m ready to wait my entire life.” His words voiced determination.
“Why are you here, Sameer?” I asked pensively, turning towards those dark orbs once more. The orbs that consisted of an ocean of emotions; guilt, sadness, despair.
Before he could speak, I clarified, “Why are you really here?”
His expression turned morose, “There are some questions that are unsettling me, Naina. I know I’ve lost the right to, but could you please grant me with some answers?” He requested genuinely, sincerity reflecting in his gaze.
“Go on.” I spoke after a moment of silence. Somewhere, I had this intuition on where this was going.
“On the last day of the trip, when you…” He left his sentence incomplete as I tried to overpower my emotions.
“You said you knew from the day of my birthday party…” My eyes distanced in nostalgia to that remorseful day. The day where I had expected a cascade of joy but was awarded with bitter betrayal.
Attending birthday parties were altogether a rare thing for me, and going to a boy’s birthday party was something that I had never imagined; not even in my wildest dreams. After shuffling through the numbered party outfits I had, I wore a sober beige dress with simple embroidery at the ends. I had worn my hair down; once again, something I seldom did. But this was beyond a special occasion; it was his birthday party. I was still an amateur when it came to makeup, and knew I would remain the same my entire life! I had slowly sneaked out of the house, grabbed an auto that sped to his party location.
My heart raced as fast as my curls danced in the wind. I shivered despite the heat and my hands constantly rubbed against each other. More than lying to my family members, I dreaded his reaction. That one reaction that mattered the most. In my hand, I had small box with a birthday gift for him. Something very precious and thoughtful. After all, what could I give the boy who had everything in the world?
“Sameer?” I hesitantly called out to the boy decked in a brown suit. His hair still danced frivolously against the wind. Sameer turned around as I noticed a dim yellow shirt underneath his coat. I stood there dumbfounded at his handsomeness.
“Naina..” His eyes glinted of hope, making my heart race.
“H-happy B-birthday, Sameer.” I stuttered clumsily, as I forwarded the small, neatly packed gift box. He seemed to gaze into my eyes, leaving his gift unnoticed.
“I told you I would cut the cake only in the presence of my best friend.” He smiled ardently. I nodded with a slight curve of my lips.
“Where’s everyone else?” My mind jerked me back to reality, as I searched frantically. Had he just invited me? But why would the most popular kid do that?
“Everyone’s on their way, no one comes this early.”
“Early? It’s 5 PM right?” I signaled at his posh, new watch.
He chortled before embarrassing me, “Naina, who comes to a 5 PM party at 5 PM?”
“I do, don’t you? Uncle says punctuality is key. We should always be on time.” I spoke in a pride-filled voice.
“Except parties. Naina.” He grinned.
“Oh…” I shyed.
“I-I’m sorry?” I tried.
“Don’t be. This has become a trend only recently.” My heart flurried at his understanding nature and perfect smile.
“Cake?” He passed a slice of fresh chocolate cake--elite chocolate cake to be precise--on a plate.
“Thank you…” My cold fingers brushed against his warm, firm ones as I shuddered in nervousness.
“Sameer--”
“Hey, Sameer!” Munna intervened.
“Munna! Where were you?” Sameer turned towards one of his best friend as Munna engulfed him in a hug.
“Happy Birthday man!”
“Thanks, yaar!” The glee on his face was priceless.
“Sameer...I’ll just be back in a moment.” I excused myself to the bathroom.
Dashing to the nearest one, I tried to calm my racing heart down as my eyes met the reflection in the mirror in front of me. The girl in front of me had dared to leave her hair down and go to a boy’s party. But all of this was nothing compared to the sin she had dared to commit. She had dared to fall in love.
Hopelessly, irrevocably, unconditionally, in love with him.
With Sameer Maheshwari.
The girl who had always been scared to dream, now dreamt intertwining hands with him.
The girl who gave her studies the top most priority now seconded it after him.
The girl whose family values mattered the most, now requested to be set free against his dreams, his future, him.
I guffawed as I brought myself to admit the reality; I had fallen in love with his style, his attitude, his flicking of hair, his crazy antics, his cute apologies, his courage, his confidence, and his love.
I tightened my grip on the gift and slowly met my gaze with my reflection. This was the changed me. This was the Naina Agarwal in love.
In that moment, I felt a strong surge of adrenaline rush through me as I heaved a deep breath. I was going to tell him. If not today, then definitely soon. After sharing my secrets with Preeti, perhaps. Or revealing my decision to my best friend, Swati.
With a determined smile on my face, I ran at a faster pace, eyes anxious to see him.
“Sameer…” I had barely whispered when I caught him with his friends, Munna and Pandit.
“Don’t worry Sameer, we have complete faith in you.” Pandit giggled.
“Seriously, I don’t know how long I’ll have to tolerate this old-fashioned girl for. I can’t keep up with this fake pretense anymore.” Sameer whined, wiping the short-lived smile from my face. A slow tear formed and threatened to escape when I gulped, trying to control myself.
“Don’t lose hope, Sameer. Just focus on the bet. We can’t afford to lose the bet. Just a few more days, and Naina will surely confess her love for you.” Munna motivated.
“And as soon as she says those three words, we win the bet!” Pandit completed excitedly as the trio hi-fived each other.
The sound of their chuckles couldn’t subdue the roaring thunder in my heart. I could feel it break into a million pieces. Tears poured down my face and I faltered my steps.
“No…” I whispered, barely audible to myself. This couldn’t be true. He couldn’t do this for a random wager. Sameer can’t play with someone’s feelings. He was the best of friends, wasn’t he? He couldn’t. He just couldn’t.
“I convinced myself that day, Sameer. And convinced myself everyday after that.” I wiped away tears that had brimmed upon revisiting atrocious memories.
“But you broke my heart that day. And broke my heart everyday after that.”
“Why didn’t you say anything, Naina? Why didn’t you confront me?” Sameer murmured hesitantly, guilt clearly evident in his voice.
I glanced at him with a grim expression,
"Perhaps I'll never know. And neither will you."
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