A reality or a façade?
The crowd erupted into cheers as Vishal announced our names. My heart thudded as I tried in vain to calm it. I couldn’t silence the audience who were yelling out our ship name in anticipation.
“Everything will be fine…don’t worry.” Faisal reassured, avoiding any physical contact. I simply nodded, unconvinced.
“Roshni, trust me, nothing will go wrong.” He tried once more.
“I don’t trust you anymore! You have lost my trust a long time ago!” I lashed out at him, surprised at my own anger.
“I’m sorry…I don’t know…what happened there….” I immediately apologized and looked away.
“I deserve this, it’s not your fault.” His sudden statement grabbed my attention.
“Sorry?” I spoke meekly, taken aback at what my ex co-star just said. I knew I was waiting for this moment, I wanted him to apologize….for what he did to me. However, amidst all this anxiousness regarding this sudden dance performance, frankly, I wasn’t prepared for this confession. Not now.
“Never mind, it’s too late now.” Faisal attempted, hoping for a successful one. But I wouldn’t let anything come in between, not when he finally got the courage to. I knew he wanted to ask for forgiveness; I could read it in his eyes. Swiftly, I took my phone out, opened WhatsApp and messaged,
‘Give us 10 minutes…..please….its urgent.’ I sent my best buddy and immediately received blue ticks and a thumbs up emoji. My life savior!
“Come with me.” I ordered and was greeted by a frown by Faisal.
“Roshni….we have a performance.” He reminded.
“Everything is under control, everything is perfect….except one.” I stated, grabbing his arm.
“But—“
“It can’t be dealt with later…” I answered his incomplete question, flabbergasted at my thoughts despite the no longer existent camaraderie between us. How could I know him inside out within a span of just few months? It’s the quality that matters, not quantity. I reprimanded myself. But I no longer trusted him….or did I?
I dragged him to our ‘Practice Room’ and finally stood in front of him, face to face.
“It’s not late….it’s never late.” I commented at our abruptly ended conversation.
“What?” He asked, confused. I wasn’t certain if he was acting, but I was pretty sure he was.
“Stop this pretense, Faisal. Stop fooling yourself and me. Cause I’m not sure about you, but I am definitely not a fool here.”
“Roshni….you actually forcefully dragged me into this absurd room to discuss something which is legitimately very unimportant? You know, you just force me to doubt your intelligence at times.” He brought hysteria to our ‘should-be-serious’ conversation, infuriating me. He approached towards the door when I held him back by his arm.
“At least respect the courageous Maharana Pratap if not Faisal Khan.” My statement made him turn.
“Don’t forget,” I continued, “that you have two identities. Don’t insult the valiant Maharana Pratap with your Faisal Khan cowardice.” I provoked him. Such a statement would hurt him, his ego. But this was necessary, we had to hurt the artificially healed wounds to live in peace. We had to close a chapter that was haunting us both.
Within a blink of an eye, he pulled my arm and pinned me to the wall, similar to what he had done some time ago.
“What did you just say?” He spoke, gritting his teeth. He was very mad, and expressed his anger through his actions. He brutally clutched my wrists, hurting me. But I was fine with this, since his most recent wound was nothing compared to the innumerable wounds he gave me with his harsh words.
“Did I make a mistake, huh?” I questioned sarcastically, increasing his rage and his grasp on me. This had to come out today, right now. I guess knowing him too well served as an advantage to me this time. He wasn’t one of those people who tend to be very open. He was too timid to express his feelings, which is why Faisal needed to be triggered. His inner emotions required the kick start energy for them to speak through his lips.
“Roshni!” He threatened, approaching towards me.
“Stop shouting, Faisal! For the umpteenth time, I’m not scared of you!” I yelled, hiding my nervousness from the distance between us.
“Well, then you should be! You should fear me, my actions!” His black orbs turned darker.
“I get intimidated by those whom I feel are superior to me. And you are not one of those people, Faisal. When I didn’t fear you when we were together, why would I fear you when we…” I left the sentence incomplete for I didn’t have the nerve to finish it.
“Don’t forget that I am a Gold!” He warned.
“Don’t forget that I am a Silver!” I threatened in the same tone. There was just one thing that had to be done; the last stage to blurt his confession.
“You know what? Just leave it……you don’t have the strength to express your feelings. You were right, I was the fool for giving this discussion so much importance…..It is worthless!” Saying this, I pushed him, and headed towards the door. Please, please, make this work.
“Hume kshama kar dijiye….forgive me.” His words stopped me in my tracks.
“This apology is not only from Faisal to Roshni, but also from Pratap to Ajabde. I am sorry Roshni. Sorry for all those fights. Sorry for all those actions that hurt you. Sorry for all my antics that made you upset. I am sorry for raising suspicion against my best friend. Sorry for forgetting all my manners and barging into your vanity room on one of your best days. Sorry for physically touching you without your permission. Sorry for shouting at you without giving you a chance to speak. Sorry for fatally hurting you, both physically and emotionally. Sorry for making you cry and not wiping your tears.” His confession shook me to the core. I couldn’t move from my place, and these tears once again sprang out unconditionally. I retorted myself for being so vulnerable, but did not have the strength to wipe these away.
“I am sorry for not expressing my excitement when you came at my doorstep. Sorry for maintaining my rude behavior….sorry for all those harsh words. Sorry for choosing her over you. I’m sorry for breaking your trust.”
“I beg for forgiveness. My actions reflected not only on RoSal, but also on PrAja. I am sorry for disrespecting you Ajabde. I am sorry for deserting you.” He came to me and I noticed his face full of tears.
“Please forgive me…”
My phone buzzed, revealing a message notification from Vishal.
‘I can’t hold then any more…where are you?’
“We have to go, Vishal can’t keep the audience waiting any longer.” I said blatantly, moving towards the door.
“Wait, Roshni….I said so much….and you show no reaction.” He held me by my wrist, igniting the wound he had given me.
“We’re getting late.” I replied without any emotion. I tried to free myself from his clutches, but as always, I couldn’t.
“You can express yourself too, Roshni. You can say anything you feel. Scold me, insult me, do anything, but don’t ignore me, please.” His words revived Pratap’s confession scene. He had similarly held onto my hand, wanting to hear what I, Ajabde felt for him. That life seemed so distant, yet so far from reality. I remember Ajabde considering herself incapable of marrying a prince. However, reality held no political alliances, no compromises, no true love.
“You apologized, because you were supposed to. I don’t owe you anything. You asked for forgiveness for your actions after hurting me. End of story.” I shrugged, and went towards the door once again.
“What do you mean?” He asked, devastated.
“I mean what I say.”
“You can’t just go away without saying anything, Roshni!”
“You’re so unfathomable, Faisal! Precisely why I didn’t react to your confession. You know, I just wanted to confirm my doubts.” My eyes blazed with anger while my words reflected pure sarcasm.
“Be clear, Roshni!”
“C’mon Faisal! It’s not so complicated. One moment you apologize and beg for forgiveness. The next moment you want forcefully want me to forgive you? You can’t control everything, Faisal….at least not my emotions.” I taunted.
“But I apologized…”
“So? You think your apologies will heal the viciously injured wounds? You clearly have no idea what I’ve been through. All your tantalizing comments have hit me like sharp daggers, crushing the innermost part of me. You have made my life malignant, Mr. Faisal Khan….and you want me to forgive you?” The tears flowed endlessly, not wanting to stop. It was too late to control the pain anymore.
“You took away all my friends, broke my faith over friendship...and now you claim some random right on me when I get close to Vishal just because you’re jealous?!” I pointed at him, accusingly. I knew him too well, but that fact wasn’t sufficient enough for me to forget what he did to me. His eyes spoke of bewilderment and shock along with defeat. My heart ached, but my mind claimed dominance this time.
“ Accept the truth, Mr. Faisal Khan! You have lost me…….and whatever authority you had. We can never get back to what we were….best friends. Because the trust between us no longer exists.” My mouth became dry at my own confession. Somewhere, I was regretting this. Somewhere, I wanted us to get back together…..I wanted his annoying pranks, his boisterous giggles, his energetic dance moves, his constant teasings…..I wanted RoSal! I could not but feel helpless. His wounds had cut me so deep, it seemed impossible to heal. I wiped my tears and met his eyes.
“All this while, I have been grieving over everything you did to me, but I had decided to take revenge. Now that you have finally accepted your mistakes, I shall put my plan in action.” I said with a smirk, trying to enact a determined look.
“Roshni?” He asked, hope dying within him as I opened the room door.
“You really thought I would forgive you so easily?”
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