Chapter 1 - Differences

 The calm before a storm

“What if the volunteer is a stalker or a total creep? The online database surely can’t judge that based on their level of experience in babysitting, can they?” I fretted in worry, pacing across my cabin at Mystic Falls Publishing.

Soon after our impulsive discussion yesterday, Caroline had urged me to return home. All my words of protest had been turned to deaf ears as she cancelled the remaining appointments for the day. No matter how much I huffed, how hard I tried to use my authoritative voice, how many times I reminded her about work related deadlines, I failed miserably.

The friend had won over the assistant.

I had surreptitiously tucked in a few manuscripts in my work tote bag, well aware that I would lose my sanity without it. My work kept me occupied, kept my mind busy enough for it to wander around in dangerous territories. My work gave my life purpose, it gave me an identity in this small town Virginia.

Mystic Falls may not have a great deal of exposure, but it was home, it was where I belonged. And nothing could ever compare to the feeling of belongingness.

So when Caroline called for my driver to take me home, I complied with a small smile. When the driver dressed in a prim tailored suit offered me best wishes for a good day, I thanked him, despite inwardly grimacing at the distant possibility. When I opened the door to my rather spacious apartment on the seventh floor of Sunrise Towers, I found myself being welcomed by an overly excited puppy. I gently caressed the golden retriever when he skipped up in my arms. Cooper was the only companion in my isolated home.

The only companion to my complete solitude.

I had returned calls for the first hour of the day, apologizing to my clients for my unexpected absence. After making myself a quick meal; a sandwich followed by a glass of orange juice, I had changed into my comfy clothes - a cotton tee and printed baggy pants, before walking into my study to get some work done.

The level of efficiency had not been the same without the assistance of my best friend, but I ploughed through the rest of the day, editing five chapters of two manuscripts each. The cramps and feelings of nausea had reduced to a frequency of twice in three hours for the better part of the day, I had noticed.

It was exhausting. I knew for I fell into a deep slumber the instant my head touched the pillow.

Now that I was back to Mystic Falls Publishing, dressed in a navy blue A-line dress paired with matching blue bellies, I felt the adrenaline surge through me as well as anxiety for this entire Babymate fiasco. I could sense it being a blunder already, because I wasn’t one to make reckless decisions. It wasn’t in my nature until he…the unnamed walked right into my life.

This was an impulsive decision. A rushed one. And I knew for a fact I didn’t do well with hurry.

“Relax, Elena. The database operates through various tests before ensuring the reliability of volunteers. They won’t just assign you to some creep because they understand how sensitive this period of time is for single moms-to-be.” Caroline tried to calm down my frazzled nerves, resting her hands on my shoulders as she sat me down on my desk chair.

I pushed my head in between my hands, my elbows resting precariously on the desk in front of me, “I don’t know, Care. What if she and I don’t bond well?”

“You’re worrying too much.” She said, bringing a glass of water I downed immediately.

With a devious smirk, she pointed out, “And ‘she’ might be a ‘he’.”

“What?!” I shrieked in surprise. Weren’t girls generally more inclined and experienced towards these ‘acts of generosity’ as my best friend termed it?

“There’s a high chance it’ll be a girl volunteer. But you never know, it could be a guy too.” Her smirk widened into a sly grin as I huffed in annoyance.

“I don’t like where this is going.”

“Oh but I definitely do!” She squealed in excitement. “Any guy who’d volunteer for this would have a soft side to him. What more do you want than a handsome guy who cares for you?”

“So you’re just implying this guy is handsome?” I raised my brow quizzically as she waved me off.

Dazing back into nothingness she spoke dreamily, “That’s a given, for someone who sets up his profile on such a large platform. You never know, this nine-month contract could turn into something--”

“Not a chance.” I tersely cut her off. 

“I’m done being around guys.” I brushed off the topic, shifting my focus back to my laptop.

“Or so you think…” Caroline left her sentence midway as she approached the door to my cabin.

I rolled my eyes at her antics before instructing, “Hand me the next manuscript, Caroline.”

----------

“I’m sorry for yesterday, Bruce.” I apologized to the dark-haired man in front of me.

“You don’t need to apologize, Elena. I take it that you’re feeling much better today?” He asked as I shuddered. This was just the beginning I reminded myself. I still had nine long months of pain and torture ahead of me.

“I am, thank you. It was just the flu, I guess.” I smiled, my heart reprimanding my mind for producing such a lame excuse. A flu that would soon result in a hideously large belly. 

Sure, that made sense.

“Well, with the amount of highlighted passages and Post-It notes you have on each page, I consider you have a lot to suggest.”

I joined him in his nervous chuckles before clarifying, “It’s more of what I liked than what needs to be edited, trust me.”

He fixed his black-rimmed glasses, and ruffled through his light stubble before nodding patiently.

“I really like the concept of this story, Bruce. It’s a romance novel which is both traditional and unique. You’ve got the basic ingredients yet a few special ones of your own, which makes this a fresh read.”

His timid smile widened into a grin as he flashed his white teeth. “Thank you so much. This is the first time I’ve approached a publishing house, and getting praised by the Elena Gilbert is nothing short of surreal.”

I chuckled, shaking my head, “You’re being too kind.”

“I’m only being honest.” He smiled genuinely as I looked back at the manuscript at hand.

Clearing my throat, I started, “Now time for the constructive criticism.”

“All ears.” He straightened obediently as I helplessly let out a chuckle.

Patting the hard copy of the manuscript, I advised, “You have a new outlook, a certain degree of freshness in your story. Which is why I think this one aspect might be bringing the whole feel down.”

I waited for a moment, hoping he didn’t seem too distraught, before resuming, “You’ve shown the male character as indecisive and afraid of commitment. I think a transitional change in characteristic could help add depth to your story. The guy inevitably falls in love with the girl, which itself is a commitment of a kind.”

He pursed his lips in thought as I continued, “He’s owned up to his love for her, yet easily lets her go because of his fear of commitment. It seems a little...off.” I proposed.

“So you say that guys are not afraid of responsibility and commitment?” He asked out of shock.

It was the generational stereotype, after all.

“Not a guy who falls in love.” I corrected with a smile.

“You seem to know such a man, I believe.” He smirked to which my breathing stopped for a second.

Because I did. I knew such a man but I let him go.

I decided to deflect since it was my favorite defense mechanism, “Here are a few smaller edits that you might want to look through.” I handed him the manuscript with a smile.

His gaze lingered on mine for longer than I hoped, “You still haven’t answered my question.”

“I hope to know such a man in your novel, Bruce.” I grinned at the newfound confidence as we shook hands.

The door closed and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding.

That was close. 

----------

I tilted my head against the seat, guzzling down gulps of ice cold water as I prayed for the pain to subside. I felt my stomach twist in pain, felt the blood rushing to my head yet making me feel dizzy. It was a rigmarole of sensations really, occurring at irregular intervals, making me dreadful each time.

I waited for it to pass, lying limp in the process as the sedan Lexus sped on. I managed to press a button that allowed for the cool breeze to engulf me in its serenity. My eyelids started to grow heavy, the gust of wind lulling me to sleep when my phone buzzed through.

I groaned in pain, swallowing another few sips of water before answering the call with as much tenacity as possible.

All that came out was a weak “‘Lo?”

“Elena, are you okay?” A concerned voice echoed as I relaxed.

“Just the usual, Care.” I heard her sigh in despair.

“I wished I could take this pain away.”

“I’m still waiting for the perks of pregnancy to kick in, if there are any.” I sighed in relief that the moment of torture had finally passed.

Her tone turned chirpy the next instant, “That reminds me, you’ve got a ‘perk’ just waiting for you.”

“You heard something back from that website.” I couldn’t help giggle at her squeals.

“They found you a match, that too with a guy!”

“What?!” How was this possible?

“I told you...you never know.” I could visualize her smirk as I shook my head in mock disappointment.

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter as long as he knows what he’s supposed to do.”

Her tone turned serious almost instantly, “The guy, some ‘Farrell’ or something, should be at your doorstep in the next hour or less.”

“Oh.” I felt an unnerving swirl of emotions in the pit of my stomach.

“You’re to discuss all the terms of your contract--which has been emailed and delivered to your address--and make sure you both are on the same page. The last thing we need is any confusion. Once you’re done with all the technical formality stuff, you’re free to jump his bones.” She giggled at the end as I chided.

“That’s the last thing I have on my list, Care, if it even requires mention at all. Though you are free to explore the guy however you like, if you want.”

“He’ll be too busy running around you to notice me, Elena.” She heaved a dramatic sigh on the other end.

“I’ll keep you updated.” I said, noticing the car was slowly coming to a stop.

“I know you will. Let me know if you need anything.” She chirped before hanging up.

How this lively, forever optimistic, carefree girl stuck by an uptight and reserved girl like me is something I’ll never understand.

Thanking George, my driver, for the ride, I walked up to the nearest of four elevators, pressing the number seven as I waited with bated breaths. The anxiety of meeting my male volunteer felt uncanny. I wasn’t too much of an introvert, in fact, I liked meeting new people. But for some reason, this man just gave me a bad vibe. Like a downfall was inevitable.

If it was for the better or for the worse, I couldn’t yet decide.

The doors of the elevator opened with a ding, and I stepped out, walking towards my apartment while rummaging through my purse for my keys.

Since I knew the direction of my apartment - first right and second left down the corridor, I managed to multitask, holding my water bottle in one hand while feeling the straps of my purse slip down my shoulder.

My waist length chestnut hair curtained around me, unknowingly blocking my gaze of the surroundings. Or else I would’ve noticed the doom lurking over my head. 

No sooner had I inserted the key that I felt the presence of another person in the enclosed space between my apartment and my neighbor’s across mine. I inhaled a similar whiff of cologne; the one the smelt of musk and mint and spice all at once. I heard its nervous gasp as I wondered what had caused the person to startle so much. That’s when an overly familiar velvety voice peeked through my thoughts, making me jerk. The voice that soothed me in times of need, that excited me beyond comparison each time it reflected his cockiness. In irritation or in lust, that was all a blur.

Only what used to acknowledge me in love, now held a dubious question, “Meredith Bancroft?”

I swiveled on my heel only to have my breath draw out my lungs. My honey brown eyes met his icy blue ones, making my heart thump so loud I could hear the erratic beating. Those orbs that captivated me, captured me hostage in their love, beckoned towards me every second of everyday now showed a level of austerity that pushed me away.

“Damon Salvatore.”

“Elena Gilbert?”

I turned around on my heel, discovering an ecstatic brunette engulfing me in a tight hug. 

“Katherine, hi.” I greeted, returning her hug.

She stepped back, her eyes hovering over my outfit, “You look gorgeous!”

I cautiously looked over my backless red gown and smiled in reciprocation, “You look stunning too, if it isn’t obvious.”

She had donned a strapless navy blue gown, the bodice a darker shade while the flared skirt shimmered with exquisite glitter. She had her long hair curled and set over one shoulder, just like mine, while her face sported a radiant glow. She looked utterly happy.

And why wouldn’t she be.

“I can’t believe I’m engaged already!” She squealed in delight as I managed a strained smile. I was happy for her, no matter how much my heart stormed over my misery.

“Let me introduce you to my fiance.” She grinned before turning over her shoulder, calling out to a man I was already familiar with.

“It’s fine actually…” I stuttered hastily, trying to come up with an excuse only finding nothing. I deviated my gaze to anything and anyone but the cerulean eyes I had spent three years drowning into.

“Elena, this is my fiance, Damon.” She introduced as I found myself drawing in a breath. He looked more handsome than I remembered; his jaw more defined, his stubble a little more prominent, the shade of his lips a lot pinker, the blue in his eyes a lot brighter.

He was happy.

“Elena.” He acknowledged with a firm nod.

My heart jerked at the unfamiliarity in his tone, and in mine too. “Damon. Nice to meet you.”

Before his fiancee could notice the leering tension, she excused herself, “I’ve got to check on the other guests, honey. Why don’t you both get acquainted?”

A waiter made his fourth round the moment Katherine walked out of sight. I helped myself to a glass of champagne, guzzling down the golden liquid in hopes of a less tensed atmosphere.

“You look nice.” Damon commented, his hands tucked in his pockets.

I caught the lack of emotion in his praise and my eyes hovered over his attire. He looked nothing but suave in his tailored tuxedo, “You don’t look bad yourself.” 

“I apologize on Kat’s behalf for inviting you here. I can understand how uncomfortable this may have been.” I flinched at the formality of his tone as he stood in about a meter’s distance.

“She wouldn’t have, had she known how acquainted we’ve been with each other.” I berated while maintaining a terse smile on my face.

His lips instantly formed into a thin line as I questioned, “Why didn’t you tell her about us?”

“You were part of my past that didn’t require any mention.” He frowned.

My voice cracked, “What?”

“It’s normal to have exes. But I no longer feel something for you.”

I knew. I knew things had changed drastically after that night. More so after my treacherous behavior that particular morning. But hearing him say that still crushed my heart into a million pieces.

He walked up to the nearest bar in the massive ballroom Katherine had arranged for tonight’s celebration, ordering his favorite bourbon.

I followed him inevitably, my dress sashaying across the marble floor as I faced his hunched back.

“Was it so easy for you to move on?” I whispered, feeling my throat tighten. I knew I was the one to take the final step but I still couldn’t believe the fact that he had accepted it so soon. 

He turned over his shoulder and took two steps towards me. I could feel his cool breath fanning my face, could see his icy blue eyes pale a little as he murmured, “It wasn’t easy. But it was necessary.”

“So urgent that you couldn’t wait for a single moment, Damon. It’s just been five months and you’re engaged already.” I gulped as I felt the reality settle in.

“I am.” He agreed succinctly. 

“You said our differences won’t come in the way.” I hated that my voice broke, that my vision blurred, in front of the man I had once bared my soul to.

“We couldn’t fight them.” He shrugged, and for a second I saw a flicker of pain in his eyes.

I shook my head fervently, “We didn’t want to. You didn’t want to fight for us anymore, Damon!”

He stepped towards me, until his eyes bored through mine, “I wouldn’t have stopped had you betrayed me. You broke us, Elena! You left!”

A trail of tears slipped past my right eye as I flung my hands in the air, “You weren’t happy with me, with us! I loved you but that wasn’t enough, Damon. Your happiness mattered to me then, it still does today too. That’s why I came here, to wish you all the happiness in the world with your future wife. Not because I had no other choice!”

His shoulders sagged in defeat, the bags under his eyes suddenly becoming visible as his eyes drooped in pain. He rushed his fingers through his hair, making it a tousled mess like always.

His voice cracked with concern as he began to reach out to me, “‘Lena.”

“No.” I stopped him with a hand and while stared in confusion. “Don’t ever call me that again.” My vision blurred yet determination intensified as I realized this was the last time he would utter my name.

I looked up at him, at the man who had loved me irrevocably, whom I had broken uncontrollably.

“You moved on. Now I need to too.”

With that, I turned around. My heart broke with each step I took, the reality settling a little more with every passing second. I wished for his happiness, well aware that he would remain in my prayers everyday after that. He didn’t find it with me, but I hoped he would find the love he always yearned for with Katherine.

I wasn’t right for him.

I still am not.

And yet he barged into my life, reminding me of all that we could have been had that unfortunate night never occurred. He looked exactly the same as he did three years ago, still dressed in black, hair messy, orbs intoxicating. He hadn’t lost his charm, not even for a bit.

But nothing else remained the same. Like the relationship we failed to protect. Our hearts that we left distraught. The tears we couldn’t stop.

All that remained was the one thing that drove us apart.

Differences.