Chapter 18:- Secrets

How long will you hide?

“W-what?” She stuttered as her face filled with color. I dove deeper into her orbs as mine glinted with brimming hope. 

“It’s true. Each word is.” I whispered genuinely, rendering the entire classroom into oblivion. She seemed to have submerged into our little world too; for her eyes no longer cautiously raced passed me to the professor. Naina sat calmly with a serene yet confused look on her face. Her eyes reflected a havoc of emotions, mimicking her expression. And yet behind those round glasses, I felt as I saw hope and ecstasy; a flicker of positivity that reminded me of the days long gone. My smile widened to a grin as I saw a glint of the Naina Agarwal I had known.  

Within seconds, the moment broke, with soft giggles. She let herself loose from my hands and rolled her eyes, “Where have you picked this up from? Some movie?” 

It took me a while to register the sudden change in atmosphere, but I relaxed as soon as I realized, “The words may not be, but the emotions are real.” 

Her face fell solemn again as she confronted, “The words are too, aren’t they? Penned by the eminent poet, Sameer Maheshwari.”

I gasped as my hand itched the back of my neck, “I’m surprised you remember.” 

With a soft smirk playing on her lips, she shifted her attention towards the blackboard and reminded, “Well, as we’ve decided, friends don’t forget their friends. Or anything about them.” 

“Only loyal friends.” I corrected.

“I am quite loyal, guaranteed.” Naina grinned absentmindedly, rustling her pen.

“I know.” My succinct response held a deeper meaning. She understood too. Because her pen stopped rustling. And her eyes met mine.

…….

“Sameer!” I heard my name as soon as the professor dismissed us from yet another boring lecture. 

Before I could react, another pair of curious eyes had swiftly sashayed to the source of the voice. Her brows furrowed as she scrutinized the girl dressed in a floral sleeveless top and purple pencil skirt, the heels of her shoes constantly clattering with each step she took.

“Hey!” I feigned excitement as she wrapped her arm around my waist and pecked my cheek.

My shock soon turned into amusement as I caught Naina’s sharp gasp. 

Turning to her, I introduced, with an arm similarly wrapped around her, “Naina, meet Sunaina. Oh my God, that actually rhymed!” 

My girlfriend chuckled while playfully hitting me on my chest. My ‘friend’, on the other hand, did nothing but snort subtly and crossed her arms. 

“Please excuse his lame jokes. Naina, right?” Sunaina chimed, extending her arm for a handshake. My gaze fixed at her, watching every movement as she grew uncomfortable. Looking in our direction, she dejectedly shook hands, all the while glaring at me, “Of course. Who isn’t familiar with the infamous Sameer Maheshwari?” 

Naina gritted her teeth while I sheepishly looked away, “Nice to meet you, Sunaina.”

“Same here! By the way, do you know Sameer?” Her question made my head jerk in her direction. She gulped as memories flooded amidst us.

“Vaguely.” Naina gritted through her teeth, provoking an aching sensation within me.

“Well, that’s Sameer for you. Hope to see you around sometime!” Sunaina had ended the conversation, much to the relief of Naina; or so I assumed. 

Turning to me, she asked, “What are your plans? We’re done with college for the day, so I was thinking you and I could go out for lunch?” She ran her hand up my arm, waiting for a hopeful answer. 

“Sure..” I began as I saw a lone figure disappear through the doors from the corner of my eye, “Actually, I just remembered. I’ve got some family work to do. You know how they are.” I sighed at my reasonable excuse, subtly loosening her grasp on me. 

“Can’t you stay for a little bit?” She attempted once again, shuffling through my hair. 

Taking a step back I answered with equal frustration, “No matter how much I want to.” 

“Oh well, I guess I’ll see you later then.” She picked up her purse and smiled lightly.

“And hey, no excuses next week.” She pointed her index finger at me before chucking. 

“I’ll be all yours.” I spread my arms dramatically as she turned on her heel and left the room. 

I heaved a sigh, wiping the sweat beads that had crawled onto my forehead.

“Close one, wasn’t it?” Munna peeped in from behind. 

“You betcha!” Pandit joined, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. 

“And once again, I find you two enjoying my misery.” I mocked, with my hands on my hips. 

“Look at that, Pandit!” Munna exclaimed facing me. “Just look at his misery!” 

Pandit sighed before joining, “Naina on one hand, Sunaina on the other. Such a tough life, Sameer!” 

I grabbed them by their necks as they bellowed in laughter.

“People wait for ‘the one’ in their lives. And you’ve easily gotten yourself two to choose from!”

“I already have ‘the one’. She just doesn’t realize she’s the one…” My voice lessened to a murmur as I took two steps forward.

“Sunaina, right?” Munna confirmed after a brief pause, as I looked at their teasing faces. 

“Of course!” I agreed with equal sarcasm as they bombarded me with pats on my back. 

“You remember what she did to you, right?” Pandit reminded me, his face tersely cold.

I swallowed a lump in my throat as my jaw hardened, “I know.”

Turning to them, I continued, “But I don’t believe she could do that to me. It’s just not...her.” 

“But it is. It was. She was the one who put you in misery, Sameer.” Munna cautioned, his protectiveness for his best friend resurfacing. 

“I remember. But I can’t help it. It’s probably something about her that makes my heart yearn for her each day.”

“We can’t see you in pain again, because of her.” Pandit’s brows arched in worry. 

Lightening the mood with a grim smile on my face, I reassured, “I’ve thought this through, guys. Don’t worry.” 

“And what about Sunaina?” Pandit probed, not ready to relent.

“We’ve known each other for just two months, she’s probably not even serious.” I brushed off the matter casually, inwardly hoping it was true. 

It was fun with Sunaina, but my heart hadn’t harbored any feelings for her. I assumed she hadn’t either, for she generally hung out with her friends rather than me. Not that I was complaining; on the contrary, I was pleased to know she had a life of her own. Sunaina wasn’t bothered about my life as much as she had once been, but at least she wasn’t clingy. 

“What are you both up to?” I changed the topic, reverting back to my best friends. 

“Well, I’m going to pick Swati up from the Arts building, and we’ll head out...you know, for...dinner.” Munna grinned sheepishly. 

“Someone’s getting a date tonight!” Pandit and I teased before erupting into laughter. 

“It’s her birthday today, so I thought I’d do something special.”

“That’s great, yaar!” I encouraged one of my best friends who now stood with a flushed face in embarrassment and a shy curve of lips.

“Well, you’re lucky you don’t have a fuming girl to pacify.” Pandit groaned in despair as we chuckled. 

“What have you done now?” Munna prompted threateningly.

“I forgot our one month anniversary..” Pandit began.

“And Preeti is definitely not happy with this.” I finished as we both shook our heads in disappointment.

“You and your forgetful nature, Pandit. It’ll land you in trouble one day.” Munna warned to which Pandit hung his head, “It already has.” 

We both broke into laughter at his plight, his annoyance to our reaction made us suppress our smiles as we decided to help. 

While my two best friends gushed over their evening plans, a thought struck me, leading me back to Naina. 

She hadn’t mentioned anything about Swati, much to my astonishment. As far as I could recall, Naina and Swati had been best friends back in school. Nothing could’ve broken their bond over the years. She would’ve never forgotten Swati’s birthday. I was appalled at how she behaved so indifferently today. As I rummaged through our interactions, I realized she hadn’t mentioned her sister, Preeti either! Something was definitely wrong, some part of her life I was oblivious too. And somehow I had the feeling it involved me.

    

With an urge in my gait, I stepped towards the door in search for some answers when I saw her, at the far end of the corridor at the telephone booth. Initially standing impatiently, constantly tilting her head to one side to observe the rest of the queue, she soon got her turn and stepped in, closing the yellow-painted door behind her. Naina quietly rubbed her hands with each other before inserting a coin and pressing a few numbers. When she picked up the receiver, her hands trembled, making me wonder who she was voluntarily talking to that her heart didn’t support. I scrutinized my gaze and remained out of her sight, observing this unknown side of her. She barely spoke, grounded precariously; about to lose her balance and showing no emotion. I pondered whether it was her father she was speaking to; that barbaric man never let anyone speak in front him; more so if it were his daughter. And yet, what I failed to understand was her intention behind it. 

She would never willingly call that tyrant, but she did. 

She would never forget her friends. But she did.

She would never pretend or hide. But she did. 

And it drove me insane knowing how unfathomable she had become over the past three years. It felt as if she had built her walls so high, that her true self was no longer visible, no longer accessible.

Before I could plunder deeper into my analysis on her, I spotted her move out of the phone booth, subtly wipe a tear off her face and walked towards the grounds. I decided to catch up to her, to get some answers to the increasing list of questions. 

“Hey!” I startled her as she gasped. 

“You!” Gosh, you scared me, Sameer.” Naina reprimanded, instinctively placing her hand on her chest to calm her racing heart.

“Why, are you hiding something?” I asked, furrowing my brows. 

Gulping, she denied, “Of course not.”

I matched her step again as we walked, “You disappeared.” 

“I had some work to do.” She reasoned, looking away. 

“A few calls to make, I suppose?” I questioned, as she shot a look.

I shifted my gaze from her as she accused, “You’ve been spying!” 

Tersely taking a halt, my tone turned serious, “Who had you called, Naina?”

She looked up to meet my gaze as I noticed her stiffen. She seemed intimidated and perplexed, as she bit on her lower lip in haste. 

“I was ca-calling…” She stammered before rummaging for a reasonable response.

“Swati?” I proposed. Her eyebrows arched at first, and then relaxed, as her shoulders slumped in relief and she answered amidst breaths, “Of course. Swati. I called to wish her.”

“Thought so.” I commented, deciding to go with the flow.

“Um, Sameer. I need to go to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. So I’ll see you later.” She hurried with an excuse and turned to leave when I grabbed her back by her wrist.

“I’ll come with you. Come to think of it, I’m pretty hungry too.” I decided to accompany. No matter how much she tried to escape today, I wouldn’t let her go. Not without an explanation for her absurd behavior.

“You will?” She seemed tense. 

“Yes.” I asserted. She nodded her head in agreement and we continued walking in the direction of the Red Rose cafeteria.

Our steps matched in sync while words lost purpose. All we could hear were the soft gusts of wind, the faint cheers of students, the rustling of somber leaves against our feet, and the chirping of birds. I peeped at her from the corner of my eye, only to find Naina staring back at me. She immediately composed herself; looking back at the surrounding buildings, playing with the intricate embroidery on her bag.

“What?” I blurted, unable to hold myself together any longer. 

“What?” She repeated, with a shrug. 

“You’ve got something going on in your mind. Might as well say it out loud, Naina.”

“Don’t remain under the illusion that you’re the only person I think about all day. I’ve got better things to do.” She retorted, earning a hysterical chuckle from me. 

“I know you, Naina.” 

“Oh really?” She spat back, referring back to our ostracized memories.

I contorted at her allegation before amending, “I know you enough to figure out when your thoughts associate to me and when they don’t.” 

“And how are you so sure?” 

“Well, other thoughts don’t bother you the way mine do.” I looked back at her, with a smirk on my face. Her face turned cold as she responded sternly, “Of course.” 

Another few seconds passed in awkward tension when she finally revealed, “How long have you known Sunaina for?”

I grinned to myself, well aware of the extent to which another girl's presence had irked her. 

“Either you’ve grown an incredible liking for her or…” I smirked, watching her redden. 

“Or?” She whispered, barely audible to herself.

I leaned towards her until our faces were inches apart. Breathing in her soothing smell, I continued huskily, “Or I can sense something burning. Feelings, perhaps.”

Her eyes grew wide in alarm as she defended instantly, “I was just curious.” 

“Sure you were.” I scoffed playfully.

She crossed her arms in frustration and shrugged, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” 

“I wouldn’t dare upset this ‘friend’ of mine.” I raised my hands in surrender as she passed a death stare. 

“Sameer…” She threatened.

I burst into laughter as she rolled her eyes and started walking past me.

“Nainaa…” I called out to her, as an attempt to grab her attention. She slowed down until I caught up with her.

“We’ll be completing two months next week.” I finally answered her question.

“Oh.” She voiced, a hint of disappointment wavering in her tone. 

As an attempt to lighten her mood and the surrounding tension, I clarified, “It’s just two months. We’re not that into each other. Nothing serious.” 

She cast an accusing look before retorting, “It took us two months to fall in love too.” 

“It’s not love.” I immediately defended myself, referring to my relationship with Sunaina. 

“Of course it wasn’t. ‘Cause we spent just two months. Nothing serious.” She fired back. 

Before I could point out her misunderstanding, something struck, “I’m surprised you still remember.” 

I found her tongue-tied, glued to her place as she realized what she had said. More on what I had clung onto. Within seconds, the smirk of victory died within me as she turned towards me, her head tilted to one side, arms still crossed over each other, as she chastised, “Bad memories are hard to forget.”

My face contorted at her comment as I gritted, “I’m well aware, being a victim to those memories.” 

Where I had expected her to blame me for everything that happened between us, I found her compose herself. Her eyes still held the fire to rebuke, but she decided to maintain her calm. 

“And once again, we’re back to fighting relentlessly. You know, I’ve realized that no matter how hard we try, we can’t change this equation we have. The history, our past, brings us where we were three years ago, Sameer. All of this ‘let’s be friends’ drama is a facade, nothing more.”

I stood appalled at her confrontation, wanting to deny despite knowing how pain-stakingly true she was. 

“So let’s just drop it. Leave this idea. Stop interacting with each other. And try to move on.” She resolved as she turned to walk away. 

I clutched her wrist and pulled her back with such force that she crashed into me, exhaling a shocked gasp. I leaned towards her, bending my head towards the curve of her neck as I whispered, “What else have we been doing for the past three years, Naina?” 

She shuddered at our proximity, lifting her gaze to meet mine from the corner of her eyes. I saw the glint of sadness in her orbs through the strands of hair that had fallen on my face.

Grasping her shoulders and turning her towards me, I asked, “Has it worked? Ever?” 

“Maybe, we haven’t tried enough.” She stuttered, lifting her head to meet my stare. 

“Maybe, we never wanted to.” I whispered, running my fingers down her arm lightly, feeling each goosebump on her skin as I hovered over her. 

She instinctively let her lids drop, feeling each sensation my touch brought. A serene curve of lips adorned her face as she reminisced memories we shared and fantasies we may have desired.

My breath hitched as she wrapped her free arm around my waist, hovering her hand on my back before clutching onto my shirt. I gulped in fear, wondering whether this was a dream. It was too heart-wrenchingly beautiful to be true. I felt goosebumps on my back, rippling everywhere her hands roamed as I let out a short gasp in tremor. As if she was oblivious to the havoc her actions were brewing within me, she rested her head right below my right shoulder. Her uneven breaths tickled my neck as she brought a hand to my chest, placing her palm right where my heart beat erratically. My hands snaked around her waist, holding onto her so softly, for she was so precious. I heaved a sigh in content as I tightened our embrace.

“How come we’re so far apart from each other? Despite not wanting it, how come our past has created this distance we’re unable to bridge?” Her voice broke, as I felt a tear dampen my shirt. I moved an arm to caress her hair, as I drew circles my hand around her waist, trying to soothe her.

She swallowed solemnly, understanding our helpless situation and her rhetorical question I had no answer to. 

“It’s time I go home.” Naina murmured as she hid herself, deepening the hug. 

“Me too.” I whispered, snuggling into her, breathing in her scent, smoothening her hair.

“Let me go.” She insisted, gently stroking her palm over my heart in a pacifying manner before lifting her face to meet mine. Her orbs glistened, while her lips turned red in suppressing her tears.

“Not again.” I denied, tightening my grip around her waist.

“I need to go home.” She repeated, trying to free herself. Her hands slithered through my arms, pressing it to loosen my grip on her.

“Let me come with you. As a friend.” I proposed, a mischievous smile playing on my lips.

“No!” She objected with an uncanny force as her steps faltered, making me frown. 

“What?” I asked, confused. 

“No. You can’t come with me.” Naina refused, shaking her head vigorously, eyes filled with fear. 

“Naina, this isn’t the first time I’d be coming over. Why can’t I come with you?”

“Because…”

“...it wouldn’t be appropriate, Sameer.” I rolled my eyes at her justification as I clung onto the telephone receiver. 

“Friends come over to their friends’ place all the time, Naina.”

“You’re not a friend.” She tersely pointed out nervously. 

I smirked, deciding to play along, “Am I not? What are we then, Naina?” 

“Sameer!” She reprimanded while I imagined her blushing.

“I’m coming.” I decisively spoke into the phone. 

“Sameer, please. Everyone is at home. You can’t come here right now.” She alerted me.

“They won’t know a single thing.”

“They will.” 

“They won’t. They’ll totally fall in love with me.” I pushed back my hair as I grinned.

“Stop playing with your hair!” I suddenly scanned my empty room, appalled at how she figured. 

“I know you.” She answered my silence, bringing back a smile onto my face. 

“Then trust me. Nothing will go wrong.” 

I hung the phone, fixed the creases on my checkered shirt, grabbed the keys to my bike and sped off to the girl I longed to see.

Within ten minutes, I spotted the board of her residence, Nirmal Jyoti Society. Out of habit, I sneaked my bike behind the area of construction and made my way towards her apartment.

It didn’t take long to climb the twenty-two steps on the staircase that led to the Agarwals’. My fingers flinched before ringing the doorbell, as I stopped. Taking out the most necessary as well as convincing item, I placed it on my nose, widening my eyes before adjusting myself to it. With an innocent smile, I rang the doorbell, ready to meet her family. 

The door opened to a man I assumed to be in his early forties. His faded beige shirt was primly tucked into his creaseless black trousers. He had a soft look on his clean-shaven face, while his oiled hair was tucked into place, much like mine. 

“Yes?” He asked politely, as I pushed my slightly loose round glasses.

“Namaste.” I folded my hands out of respect, inwardly laughing at my overdecent actions. Naina Agarwal had truly put me in unimaginable situations, I concluded in my head. 

“My name is Sameer Maheshwari. I am Naina’s classmate.” I introduced myself with an innocent smile and big eyes. 

She ran to the door, probably after hearing my name. My jaw dropped as I noticed the glowing radiance gasping in front of me. 

Why hadn’t I observed this before? Probably because I was so used to seeing her in a turquoise pinafore. 

She looked effortlessly ethereal today in her light pink skirt and blouse. She seemed to have just showered, for her hair was left open, it’s dampness darkening parts of her blouse. My hands itched to run my fingers through her soft hair, feeling each sensation she would bring, each reaction to my actions.

I gulped, unable to believe her sight. Her eyes widened at my look, as she raised her brows in question. Her unsaid words recentered my focus, shifting my gaze back to the man who had just turned to her. 

“Naina, do you know him?” 

She eased her fright as she responded after clearing her throat, “Yes Chachaji, he’s a classmate.” 

Her Chachaji moved back to me and asked, “What brings you here Sameer? On a Sunday?”

“Actually, Chachaji--” I stopped at the endearment I had unknowingly used, not missing the slight blush on her face.

“I had come to collect notes. I was severely unwell for the past few days so I couldn’t make it to school. Exams are ‘round the corner and I wished to catch up on the content I had missed in class. Shanti Ma’am recommended Naina as the most reliable person in this situation.” I explained. 

Naina curved her lips downwards with raised eyebrows, indicating how impressed she found my creative excuse. I looked away at her unfamiliar carefree nature, slightly turning crimson. Suddenly, I wished to see more of this side, the layer she kept hidden from the rest of the world. 

Chachaji scrutinized his gaze, and to assure him I clarified, “I’ve only come for notes, Sir. What else would I do with my ‘sister’?” I lifted my arm to show the ‘rakhi’ tied around my wrist.

He smiled in satisfaction as I crossed the threshold, officially entering the Agarwal residence.

Turning to Naina, he informed, “Helping someone in need is the most important thing. And I’m proud to see that trait in you, Naina. Your Chachi must be waiting downstairs, and we don’t want to upset her. So I’ll see you in a couple of hours. How long do you think Preeti will take?” 

“She has rehearsals for the school drama production, so I think she’ll be back by four in the evening.” Naina calculated before confirming. 

“Okay, help him and make sure to keep the main door locked at all times. We’ll be back by evening.” Chachaji fondly caressed her cheek before passing me a smile and exiting through the door. 

Naina immediately closed the door and let out an exasperated sigh, “I can’t believe you!” 

I swung my bag to the floor as I took strides towards her. With each step I took towards her, she simultaneously retreated, before she crashed into the door and I smirked. 

“Chachaji has asked us to keep the door locked at all times.” I winked at her before reaching out and latching the door.

She gulped at our proximity as I caged her. 

“You really came.” She remarked in surprise.

I shifted one hand from the door towards her cheek as I softly caressed it, fearing she would feel offended. Instead, she closed her eyes, a gentle smile across her face that expressed her happiness.

“It’s hard to stay away from you.” I admitted, much to myself, as my heart beamed in joy.

She composed herself once again, to my dismay, and let her mind regain control, “You shouldn’t have come here.” 

“Why?” I whispered huskily, making her nervous. 

“Because…” 

“It’s still inappropriate.” Naina objected sternly, bringing us both back from the rigmarole of memories. 

I laughed hysterically before stating, “How long will you use that excuse for, Naina? It didn’t work then, it won’t work now.” 

“Sameer.” She passed a threatening look at my attempt at a light-hearted banter.

“Friends visit their friends all the time.” I reasoned, again. 

“You and I are not friends.” She opposed in an austere manner.. 

I grabbed her wrists and pulled her towards me, bringing back the former proximity.

“What are we then?” I whispered, cajoling her as I felt her melt.

“Sameer.” She whispered with a hint of persuasion.

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t know you anymore. Like you’ve changed completely.” I began as she looked up at me.

She gently shook her head in denial, “I’m still me. The Naina Agarwal you knew.”

“My Naina didn’t lie.” I gritted and she straightened, her eyes reflecting fear and anxiety.

“It wasn’t Swati. Who had you called, Naina?”

.