Chapter 9:- Love?

Once a love, always a love

“Hi!” An unknown voice filled my ears, making me halt in my tracks. No, it wasn’t the familiar voice I had unknowingly longed to hear. Despite his betrayal, I had gotten accustomed to him, his antics, his flirtatious comments, his shuffling of hair, his cute apologies, his boisterous grins. How could I possibly get over them?

“Hello?” The voice repeated, breaking my chain of thoughts. I shifted my gaze to notice an unfamiliar face. His hair wasn’t how I liked, it was rather short and prim. His eyes weren’t ones I wanted to explore but jovial, excited and black in color. His uniform was prim and neat and contrasted his brown skin. A long nose and a wide grin. Thankfully his eyes weren’t accompanied by glasses.

I tried to smile meekly, “Hi?”

His lips widened into a bigger smile, “Hi, I’m Rohit.” With that, he extended his hand for a handshake. I looked at him questioningly. I had only given one person the right to touch me. My heart shuddered at the thought but my mind convinced. He was the past. A bad memory I never wanted to cherish.

“I’m Naina Agarwal.” I introduced hesitantly, accepting the handshake. Rohit’s hands were cold and hard unlike his. I shook my head immediately, I wouldn’t think about him.

“Who doesn’t know you? The topper Naina.” He beamed in delight, making my smile widen.

“Thanks.” I appreciated before withdrawing my hand.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He fumbled looking here and there sheepishly.

“Are you new here?” I queried, curious at his presence.

“Yeah. My mom got transferred here from Mumbai. So we had to leave mid-year.” Rohit explained.

“Your mom works?” I asked with a bizarre look at the thought.

“Yeah. Dad passed away three years ago.” His expression turned grim.

“I’m-I’m sorry.” I apologized.

“It’s okay.” He passed an understanding smile.

“I can understand, Rohit. I lost my mom the day I was born.” I gulped.

“I’m so sorry, Naina.” He rested his hand on my shoulder, startling me. Never had we shared any physical contact, not until much later.

“Uh, I think I’m getting late for class.” I moved away, making his hand drop.

“Okay...I’ll see you around.” He smiled before turning the other way. I started walking, hands clutching each other and rubbing vigorously. How was Rohit so different than him? Stop. Not everyone was as inconsiderate as Sameer. But he never crossed his limits; never touched me unless my permission.

“C’mon Naina, we’re getting late.” Swati’s boisterous voice broke my chain of thoughts; or rather halted the battle between my heart and mind.

He sat in his usual place; eyes brightened at my presence. His acknowledgement made my heart yelp in happiness until my mind controlled my feelings from wandering off. The automatic smile reduced to an ignorant expression as I looked away and made my way towards my bench. Swati had just settled into the spot beside mine when the same voice reappeared,

“Hi. If you don’t mind, can I please sit here?”

My head spun to notice the boy I had just conversed with a few minutes ago. Was Rohit asking to sit beside me?!

“Umm, sure?” Swati responded, slightly confused. She moved to the bench behind mine as the pink school bag got replaced by a black one.

“Hi, again!” He jumped, making me smile yet frown.

“You’re in this class?” I asked incredulously.

“Yup. Same section.” He laughed.

I caught notice of hands balling into fists and curseful words being muttered. The boy sitting on the bench beside mine looked clearly displeased and angry. I somehow smiled inwardly at seeing his anger. For the first time, his restlessness seemed like a sign of victory to me.

The class continued with several exchanges of smiles between Rohit and I and desperate stares in anguish by him. Rohit was a nice and light-hearted person, but I couldn’t divert my attention from the boy I wanted to hate. The more I tried to concentrate on Rohit’s words, the more my eyes shifted to him and his anger filled expression.

Weeks turned into months as Rohit and my friendship deepened. Our hands had brushed against each other’s multiple times but the butterflies never erupted. My breath never hitched. The feeling I had longed for with Sameer never came. Rohit was perfect in every way. He cracked funny jokes every now and then, he was studious and aced every subject. He participated in sports and was modern, caring and understanding in nature. But he was everything but Sameer.

Sameer. His stares never stopped and neither did the nagging feeling. But I hated him, didn’t I? Sameer was reckless, disrespectful and immature. And yet he evoked emotions no one else had.

“Why, Naina? Why did you fall for the wrong guy?” I had reprimanded at myself several times to get tears as the only response.

...

“Naina?” I had gotten used to that voice by now. Grade 11 had just ended and I was returning textbooks back to the library when his voice peeked in.

“Hey Rohit. Came to return textbooks?” I asked casually. Over the past months, I had regained my confidence and self-esteem. In fact, Rohit had unknowingly helped me overcome my depression.

“Uh, yeah.” He stuttered, brushing the back of his neck with his hand.

“What happened?” I asked, concerned. I took a few steps towards him as he reciprocated my actions. Without any warning he took my hands in his and confessed,

“Naina, I wanted to say something.”

“Yes?” I asked dreadingly. Somehow I knew what he wanted to say. And I wasn’t ready. Not yet. Not ever.

“Naina, I-I really like you.” He met my gaze; crushing my heart again. Not because he confessed. But because I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“Rohit, please don’t do this. Don’t ruin our friendship.” I said moments after his sudden confession, trying to free my hands. But he had tightened his grip.

“Why Naina? Don’t you like me?” He probed.

“I do, but not in that way, Rohit. I’ve always seen you as a friend. Please.” I tried.

“That is the starting point, Naina. Love blossoms from friendship.” He forced, suffocating me. I needed space. To think. To comprehend. I hadn’t gotten over the melancholy in my life and history was repeating itself already. The cursed rigmarole of events was repeating itself.

“Love?” I caught on that word. The one word that I had adored a few months ago. The one word that had betrayed me like nothing else. That one word that I had distanced myself from.

“Yes, Naina. I think I love you.” He admitted. Shock would’ve been an understatement for what I was going through. A wave of emotions had flushed through me, resulting to a mixture of devastation and anger.

“I don’t, Rohit. I can’t.” Was all I could utter, jerking my hand from his grasp. He was cornering me, intimidating me.

“Why, Naina? Why can’t you love me?”

“Because love is a very pure emotion, Sameer. Once you lose your heart to someone, you do. You can’t fall in love more than once.” I explained to an ardent Sameer. We were in the library with Chemistry textbooks scattered around and were having another study session when he asked a peculiar question on love. Sameer had been sitting on the chair turned the other way around, so that his hands rested on the backrest of the chair and his head on his crossed arms.

“How is that possible, Naina? What if you met someone, fell in love, lost contact, met someone else and fell in love again.

I realized who he was talking about. Sameer was describing his life; me being the ‘someone else’. However, who was the girl he fell in love with first?

“That’s not possible, Sameer. Either the former was physical attraction or the latter. You can’t fall in love twice.” I smiled, silently hoping the I was the one he had truly fallen in love with.

“Really? Then tell me this, have you fallen in love?” A smirk lingered on his face as I met his gaze.

“I have.” I admitted, leaving myself in disbelief. He straightened in shock or admiration--I couldn’t tell.

“You have?” He clarified to which I nodded.

“And what if you get over him and fall in love again?” Sameer wasn’t ready to believe my logic.

“I won’t, Sameer. Even if I ‘get over him’, as you term it my love for him will never die. Because that’s what love does to you. It gives you happiness and makes you experience atrocities. But never does it leave you. And never does it stop spreading its magic.” Our faces broke into genuine smiles, his eyes glistening at my honesty.

“Tell me Naina, why can’t you love me?” Rohit perpetuated, much to my chagrin.

“Because, Rohit. I never felt anything for you.” I gritted through my teeth, annoyed now.

“But you said you liked me.” He instigated me further.

“As a friend, Rohit. I can’t love you.” I tried to turn around but he held my shoulders, a little to tightly.

“No Naina. You can’t break my heart like this. Please don’t do this to me. Please. I know you love me. I know.” He shook me as if trying to put sense into me. Enough was enough. I had considered Rohit a good friend of mine. And now when everything was finally getting into place, he had to ruin it.

“Stop it.” I said a little loudly, but firmly. I struggled to get out of his grasp, but he was stronger than me.

“Naina, please don’t do this to me. I love you.”

“Stop it Sameer!” I screamed. And that’s when my eyes widened in terror.